Golden Sunsets Redux - 60 Years of Memories - Part 6 - 1972

It’s a fairly short recollection this time, but exactly why do I have fond memories of the sound of bouncing ball bearings ?…

1972:

The trivia:

• Biologist Ivan Sanderson was one of the founders of cryptozoology - the study of unknown, extinct or legendary animals, such as the Yeti, Bigfoot or Loch Ness Monster.  He wrote extensively on the subject, but his credibility was damaged when he claimed to have  discovered the footprints of a fifteen foot tall penguin - something that later was proved to have been faked. In subsequent years he identified twelve areas around the world which he named "Vile Vortices" and which were apparently the sites of unexplained disappearances and mysterious phenomena. This was all published in a 1972 collection of essays under the title “Investigating the Unexplained”. The best known of these “vortices”, centres of magnetic or space time disturbances, is of course the “Bermuda Triangle”.

• Coordinated Universal Time (UTC) is the primary time standard used globally to regulate clocks and time zones. Everyone knows about the addition of a leap day every four years, but most will not be aware that UTC has had to be adjusted by “leap seconds” several times in recent decades, due to changes in the Earths rotation. Since 1972 has a leap day and two extra leap seconds, it is officially the longest year in history. 

• The first ever stuffed toys based on Paddington Bear were created in 1972 by Shirley Clarkson as Christmas presents for her children. When interest in the toys increased, Shirley and her husband Eddie started selling them in local shops - even though they didn’t have the rights. Threatened with an expensive lawsuit, a chance introduction to author Michael Bond in a lift resulted in him granting them a licence - which they kept for many years. It made the Clarkson’s fortune, a fact which has always been cited as an important step in the career of their son Jeremy - presenter of "Top Gear" and “The Grand Tour”.

The memory:

Cascade

In the days before computers, consoles (or pretty much any type of electronic device beyond something with a few beeps and flashing lights), toy manufacturers were always looking for the next thing to keep kids entertained. One could argue that this led to some of the most innovative and unusual toys and board games ever released. Sure there was the usual stuff like Lego and Barbie and Monopoly. But the 70s also gave us such oddities as “Stretch Armstrong”,  the interchangeable world of the “Micronauts” or Airfix’s plane on almost invisible wires that could decapitate a sibling “Flight Deck”. Kids were encouraged to put plastic in the oven with “Shrinky Dinks” or poor oozy “Slime” into the gaps between the sofa cushions. Plus tie-in toys abounded including the classic “Six Million Dollar Man”sets, Evel Knievel’s Stunt Cycle and personal favourite “The Game of Jaws”. 

But along with these were also things that were less of a game and more of…an experience - and this brings us to “Cascade”, released by British toy legends Matchbox. It’s…well, I could try and describe what it looks like but it's far easier to just show you a picture:

At its core “Cascade” is a form of perpetual motion machine and it makes for a highly unusual toy for kids. Once the pieces were out of the long box, it only took a few minutes to spread out the yellow plastic sheet, slot the red pieces together, plug in the tower section (with accompanying spinning 'flag') and finally place the three drums on their designated spots - oh and don't forget the *huge* battery to power the thing. But everything had to be exactly right or the "magic" wouldn't work.

As you flicked the switch, the yellow screw started to turn with a slightly grinding noise. Slowly you fed in the ten steel ball bearings provided to the bottom of the tower and watched them rise to the top  - where they would drop off the steep ledge. If you had placed the drums correctly, the ball bearings would then bounce once on each drum and then clatter into the receptacle at the end. Some would be captured in the scoring slots and others would escape and flow down the slide and by force of gravity, run along the thin strip and back to the tower for another journey. By use of a second switch, you could also control the flow of the balls - either letting them go from the tower one by one, or releasing all ten for a full "cascade".

Eventually all the balls would be caught, at which point you could release them for another round. There were various basic games described in the accompanying leaflet but alternatively you could remove the scoring plate and the balls would continually run up the tower, bounce off the drums and then go round and round and round again. As the blurb says "It's baffling, it's fascinating, it's soothing... it's Cascade".

To be honest it took a lot of trial and error to get the full effect. Although there are circles on the base sheet to indicate where the drums should go, just going with the default often meant that the balls bounced correctly on the first drum and then went everywhere as they spun off on drums two or three. Slight tweaking of the positions and many reattempts later, suddenly the fates would align and all ten balls would bounce perfectly across and clatter into the end container - cycling round again and again. It was wonderful to see.

I don't ever remember really playing the "games", just letting the balls bounce endlessly and hypnotically until my brother and I got bored or (more likely) the batteries ran out. Eventually after a couple of years either something plastic broke or the battery was left in too long and ruined the compartment and that was then end of that.

As you can see from the pictures I've managed to find, there were a couple of different versions (possibly UK and US) - one made of red and yellow plastic with a yellow base sheet and one made of blue and red plastic and a blue sheet. Nowadays complete and fully working versions are very rare and enthusiasts have had to cannibalise parts from multiple purchases to experience the joy of the bouncing balls. There are even a handful of videos online showing everything in motion. It’s probably a long shot after all these years, but I’d love to get my own set and relive the childhood excitement of “Cascade”.

Honourable mentions: 

• The Amazing Mr. Blunden - Based on Antonia Barber’s 1969 book “The Ghosts”, this charming Dickensian-style mystery film was Lionel Jeffries directorial follow-up to all-time classic "The Railway Children". It’s a period tale of time travel, ghosts, of paths not taken and the chance to right wrongs. Apparently beating the likes of Peter Cushing and David Niven to the lead role, veteran actor Laurence Naismith puts in an unforgettable performance as the titular mysterious old man with a twinkle in his eye. Although I didn’t realise it at the time, he had supporting roles in two other of my favourite films - “Scrooge” and Harryhausen skeleton-fest “Jason and the Argonauts”. The other actor of note is Diana Dors who genuinely frightened me as odious housekeeper Mrs Wickens. It's a truly wonderful film, oozing with heart, atmosphere and enough cheer to melt even the hardest of hearts - plus like “The Railway Children” they all wave goodbye at the end!  I was utterly captivated the first time I saw it. For many years it was unfairly forgotten except by die-hard fans, which include Marks Kermode and Gatiss - the latter of whom had a pretty reasonable go at a remake in 2021. The original is still the best though.

• The Burke Special - This BBC series focussed on various aspects of modern life and (amongst other things) how changes in society and technology affected the individual. James Burke (by this point well known as a presenter of science show “Tomorrow’s World”) would wander round a studio full of members of the public, pulling them into sometimes odd experiments related to the topic of the week and explaining how things worked. It was both entertaining and educational - distilling down complicated ideas for the man or woman on the street. It’s hard to give a full description because although I definitely recall watching various episodes between 1972 and 1976, sadly almost none exist in the BBC archives. It’s included here because it was my first exposure to Mr Burke - who I consider an absolute genius and one of only two scientists (the other being Carl Sagan) who genuinely changed my life and how I think about the world. Burke would go on to create “Connections” (perhaps his finest work) but let’s end with a clip of the great man in action in one of the “Specials”, explaining how the economy works…

• The Poseidon Adventure - I love disaster movies and the 70s had more than its fair share of great ones. An all-star cast coming together to face great adversity as something generally goes horribly wrong - with the audience playing detective to try and work out who will live or die. But as far as I am concerned this capsized luxury ocean liner tale is the daddy of them all. Produced by “Master of Disaster” Irwin Allen (also responsible for genre classics “Lost in Space” and “The Time Tunnel”) its incredible sets, non-stop action and thrilling moments of peril make it a real treat. I may have been drawn by the appearance of SF favourite Roddy McDowall as ship’s waiter Acres, but I stayed for the heartfelt perfomances from Gene Hackman, Shelley Duvall and the rest. Even now when I know what’s going to happen, I still enjoy it just as much. A poor sequel followed in 1979 (starring Michael Caine no less) followed by a pair of remakes in the early 2000s - the latter of which is only worthwhile for Richard Dreyfuss. 

• Silent Running - The directorial debut of special effects guru Douglas Trumbull, this post-apocalyptic science-fiction movie has an environmental message that is as important now as it was then, even if it is framed by the US counterculture movement of the time it was made (the phrase “global warming” was 15 years away). It made a huge impression on me, not just because of the themes, or the superb central performance by Bruce Dern, but also because of the three robots his character worked with. Played by bilateral amputees, Huey, Dewy and Louie had real warmth and personality and play more and more of a role as the film progresses. I'd take them over R2-D2 anytime. While it has a downbeat, melancholic ending it’s still full of awe-inspiring imagery - the beauty of nature contrasted against the vast blackness of space - plus the unmistakable voice of Joan Baez singing “Rejoice in the Sun”…

• Watership Down - Rabbits are deeply embedded in human culture. Symbols of fertility or good luck. As tricksters or agents of chaos. Plus they are hugely popular in British literature. Lewis Carroll, Beatrix Potter and AA Milne have all created rabbit characters that are beloved the world over. But for me, it’s Richard Adams’ magnificent story of Fiver, Hazel, Bigwig and their friends that captured my imagination like no other. Their world felt totally real -  no walking on hind legs and wearing waistcoats here - and the dangers both animal and man-made were terrifying. It was the first fictional story to make me properly cry with the power and emotion of the story. I read it over and over again, each time discovering something new. Yes, the 1978 animated version is rightly lauded and it’s images scarred a generation, but General Woundwort was even scarier in my imagination. 

• Rainbow - Just the first Bungle. The stuff of nightmares. What were they thinking?.

We're All Stories In The End 12 - Cat's Cradle : Time's Crucible

 It's a trilogy, but not as you know it...

Cat's Cradle : Time's Crucible by Marc Platt

Seventh Doctor Adventures number: 5

Originally published: February 1992

Companions: Ace

"You're on your own, Ace."

The TARDIS is invaded by an alien presence, and is then destroyed. The Doctor disappears.

Ace, lost and alone, finds herself in a bizarre deserted city ruled by the tyrannical, leech-like monster known as the Process.

Lost voyagers drawn forward from Ancient Gallifrey perform obsessive rituals in the ruins.

The strands of time are tangled in a cat's cradle of dimensions.

Only the Doctor can challenge the rule of the Process and restore the stolen Future.

But the Doctor was destroyed long ago, before Time began.

So this month we are back near the very start of the Virgin New Adventures, with the 1992 fifth novel  - and the first written by Marc Platt.  

And if I'm honest, it's a bit of a mixed bag really

Yes there are some clear attempts at clever world building and expanding the universe of Timelord lore. Yes the peek into the "Time of Chaos" of ancient Gallifrey and the cult of Pythia  is certainly new and yes, the TARDIS colliding with a prototype time ship and turning inside out - into a city where you can cross time streams as easily as crossing a river - is definitely a cool concept.

This book *wants* to be complex  - this is from the guy who wrote Ghost Light after all - and I'm all for being thrown in at the deep end and not being spoon fed a plot. I don't mind the mentions of vague concepts such as as Lungbarrow and Looms, as clearly looking back from a position 30+ years later, we know that will at be picked up (albeit a long way down the line).

But at times it just felt like it was trying too hard.

The writing style is by turns incredibly clunky and incredibly convoluted and…well sadly, incredibly dull. Parts - especially in the first half -  feel overwritten to the point of being meaningless, as if the author wanted to show off how abstract he could be and how many tortuous similes he could cram in. It's page after page of purple prose that genuinely made me sigh with exasperation.

And just what does a phrase such as "Swerving the command frog" mean anyway?

Things do get better plot wise as the book progresses. From the point that Ace climbs into the TARDIS attic and finds the "Willby Doctor" waiting for her, it starts to come together, even if, a bit like the tower at the heart of the city, you can see the cogs and gears of the ending sliding into place. I figured out that there must be a third Process a good while before it was revealed - although I was never really clear on what any of them really wanted beyond "The Future".

The problem is, by that point I just didn’t really care about the fate of any of the supporting characters.

The Chronauts were very underdeveloped - apart from maybe Shonizi and Vael they're paper thin - and even those two have just a veneer of characterisation.

Ace fares a little better, but only because her character had been developed (to a degree) before this novel. Her horror at the thought of being turned into an insect guard felt real -  but even she's not consistent. When exactly did she develop feelings for Shonzi ?  They only seem to have known each other for five minutes !

In the end there is an awful lot happening - with the sphere contracting, the TARDIS being reborn, platforms whizzing up and down and multiple versions of the same people & monsters in the same scene. Stuff is meant to feel that it has incredible importance, yet I felt utterly detached from it, as it's all presented in such a cold, clinical fashion. Much like the deleted alternate futures, it didn’t matter.

I just couldn’t connect with any of it. It was an odd feeling.

So despite it's grand themes and ideas and allusions. Despite it  trying something new, "Times Crucible" is, at least in my eyes, a very flawed book.

I'm glad I read it. But it's definitely not one that I would go back to any time soon.

Oh and by the way - isn’t mercury incredibly toxic? Not sure anyone should be wading through a river of it !

Although now that I think of it, describing the descending  moon / egg as "The most momentous impact since Adric hit Mexico" ? That did raise a smile....

Golden Sunsets Redux - 60 Years of Memories - Part 5 - 1971

So what do you get if you mix a bunch of historical figures with ideas of resurrection, alien overlords, religion, man's inherent inhumanity to man and a study of ethics? Probably one of the most original and astonishing science fiction ideas ever published  - and a book series that is in my top twenty of all time.

1971:

The trivia:

• Astronaut Ed Mitchell piloted the Apollo 14 lunar module and was the sixth person to walk on the Moon. He said of his experiences: "From out there...international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch."

• Sizzling grilled meat served with onions and peppers on a flour or corn tortilla. We all know what that is, right? Although the first culinary evidence comes from the ranch lands of Texas in the 1930’s, there is actually no known written documentation of the word "fajitas" prior to…1971.

• After a four and a half month journey, NASA’s Mariner-9 became the first spacecraft to enter the orbit of another planet when it reached Mars on 14th November - only narrowly beating two Soviet probes that arrived weeks later. However, due to a planet-wide dust storm, the entire surface of the planet was obscured, resulting in Mariner-9’s cameras being turned off until mid-January of the following year. 

The memory:

To Your Scattered Bodies Go by Philip José Farmer

At the round earth's imagin'd corners, blow
Your trumpets, angels, and arise, arise
From death you numberless infinities
Of souls, and to your scattered bodies go.

7th of the "Holy Sonnets" by John Donne

Prolific author Philip José Farmer first appeared in this trawl through my memories when his odd Doc Savage / Tarzan mash-up “A Feast Unknown” got an honourable mention. But now we come to what many consider his most famous series. This was one of those occasional books that I bought on a whim - intrigued by both the cover and the blurb on the back of the paperback. Billed as the first volume in the “magnificent Riverworld" saga”, at the time I didn’t know that this spur of the moment purchase would eventually grow to me reading multiple novels, several collections of short stories and spark a lasting interest in some new historical figures. 

Although it came out in 1971,  I think I must have originally picked up “Scattered Bodies” in. ..1979? That sounds about right. I do know that once I started, it was a book I simply couldn’t put down and I sped through it in around three days. I was so absorbed by the storyline that I immediately went out to buy the others in the set - only to find that the final (at the time) fourth book had still not been released !

So here's the premise. Millions of years in the future, every single human who has ever lived is resurrected along the banks of an endless winding river. From the earliest Neanderthals through to the 21st century (when 99% of the population was apparently wiped out during a disastrous first contact with aliens from Tau Ceti).  They all awaken on the shore naked, but in bodies as they were at age twenty-five - and in perfect health. Lost limbs have reappeared, genetic defects and diseases are all cured. Those who died younger than 25 appear in a body from that point of death (and age up to 25), but there is no one under the age of five and children cannot be conceived. Should an individual "die" due to suicide, an accident, or at the hand of someone else, they just resurrect again at a different place along the river.

Every person appears with a metal container strapped to their wrist which can only be opened by them. When placed in huge mushroom-shaped "grailstones" which are dotted along the riverbank, and charged via a periodic electricity bolt, these "grails" dispense food, drink, cloth  - and luxuries such as alcohol, mild drugs, tobacco and "dreamgum" which can induce hallucinations.

At the start there is no technology on this world and metals and ores are almost non-existent. The mountains that rise steeply from the plains are impassable and life exists at a very basic level. But what initially seems like paradise soon turns into anything but, as human greed and violence asserts itself. Thousands of tiny fiefdoms and kingdoms appear along the river - some are peaceful but many are ruled by dictators who put those unfortunate enough to be reborn in their areas into "grail slavery" - giving the poor people only basic rations and keeping the luxuries for themselves. 

Into this new and strange existence comes renowned colonial explorer Richard Francis Burton (no relation to the actor). He soon surrounds himself with a disparate group of friends from all eras, which includes Alice Lidell (the inspiration for Alice in Wonderland). Burton is unique because he became concious in the "holding space" before resurrection and has seen a glimpse of the race that created Riverworld. Visited by a mysterious figure, Burton is compelled to take his friends and find the source of this endless river and confront the "Ethicals" in control. After many trials, including being enslaved by the infamous Nazi Herman Göring, Burton finds himself close to being captured by the Ethicals, so kills himself over and over and over again - each time hoping that he will get closer to the secrets of the tower at the headwaters of the river.

If that doesn't sound fascinating enough, the subsequent books introduce an even wider array of characters both real and fictional and detail their various efforts to discover the reason for humanity's rebirth. This includes author Samuel Clemens (who wrote as Mark Twain). Thanks to the assistance of the Mysterious Stranger, he enlists the help of Viking warlord Eric Bloodaxe, Lothar von Ricthofen (the WWI fighter pilot known as the Red Baron), King John of England and Cyrano de Bergerac to help mine a fallen meteorite and build a huge paddle boat known as the 'Not For Hire'. He intends to sail upriver and find the source of the river. Though it may be millions of miles and his voyage may take centuries, Clemens is determined to find answers.

Through the course of (what became) five novels, Farmer weaves the adventures of a dozen or more famous faces and people from a vast range of cultures and time periods into his huge sweeping narrative. He even writes himself into the storyline in the guise of author “Peter Jairus Frigate”. The true purpose of the "Ethicals" and their reasons for creating Riverworld are shrouded in mystery and the metaphysical answer challenges everyone's opinions of what it means to be alive. It’s a saga where you definitely need to read the first four books to get the full effect of Farmer's imagination. You could miss out book five and not lose anything from the main plot (even Farmer himself calls it a “sidestream” novel), but it does give some more weight to the philosophical questions being asked across the series as a whole.

As for the main protagonist, Richard Francis Burton was an extraordinary man to choose. A 19th century explorer, translator, soldier, writer, spy and diplomat, who apparently spoke 29 languages, he was also one of the first Europeans to visit Mecca. Translator of the "1,001 Arabian Nights" stories and the "Karma Sutra". Part of the group who discovered the great African lakes while hunting for the source of the Nile. Burton did all these things and much, much more. You can see why Farmer picked him. Learning about him through his fictitious exploits in the novel, I became fascinated with the real person, seeking out books by and about him from my local library (this being in the days before the internet of course). I learned many, many interesting facts through reading Farmer's work.

In the 90s there was an attempt to turn Riverworld into a shared universe anthology series with multiple authors contributing alongside Farmer, but only a couple of volumes made it to shelves before it petered out. There was also a role-playing game rule book and a poorly received video game.

Inevitably there have been a couple of bids to turn Farmer's vision into a TV show. The Sci-Fi Channel had a go once in 2003 (but that only went to a pilot) and then tried again in 2010 as a 3-hour TV movie. Both version are very flawed and hampered by both a lack of budget and the fact that the producers just didn't seem to really *get* the concept or the characters. Burton is replaced by an American astronaut in the first attempt and then becomes the villain in the second. That's no way to treat one of the greatest explorers of the 19th century !

Despite the fantastical setting and the SF concepts that are explored, the novels paint a disturbing picture of mankind. No matter the circumstances, we seem to degenerate into the worst examples of our species. There will always be those who want power and wealth and will do whatever it takes to obtain it. Sadly it appears that Farmer was quite prescient. I can understand some criticisms that the writing is very description-heavy and perhaps veers into a pulp style, but that's okay - as I’ve said before, I've grown to really appreciate that genre. Some may also find the occasional violent scenes unpalatable, but I don't think that it's gratuitous and it's all within the context of the heaven / hell world the author has created.

It is worth mentioning that Farmer also created two other unique fictional settings that are worth looking into. First there is the "World of Tiers" which features a series of artificially created pocket universes and one specifically which contains a planet consisting of cylindrical layers stacked on top of each other to form an enormous cone-shaped tower. The other series is "Dayworld", set in a dystopian future where overpopulation is solved by allowing people to exist for only one day a week - the rest of the time they are in suspended animation. However there are a few individuals who are 'Daybreakers' - living seven different lives across the week and working to destabilise the system. If you like high concept science fiction, Farmer is the man to go for. Some brilliant covers by Chris Foss too.

When I was young and first read them, I found "To You Scattered Bodies Go" and it's sequels to be brilliant pieces of science fiction with plenty to say about the human condition. Despite their age and changing tastes and moralities, I still think the series (and the first book in particular) stand up amazingly well today.

Honourable mentions:

• Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory - a gold-plated, timeless, five-star classic. Roald Dahl hated it, but he’s wrong, the miserable git. With an eccentric yet steely twinkle, Gene Wilder is pitch perfect in the title role (Dahl wanted Spike Milligan apparently. <<shudder>>). A genuinely great supporting cast, plus dancing Oompa-Loompas, catchy songs and hideous children getting their comeuppance adds to the delight. And let’s not forget that nightmarish boat tunnel sequence. How can you not love this film? The Burton “remake” isn't even worthy to shine its shoes - although the recent Timmy Chalamet prequel is surprising good.

• Mr Benn - to a certain generation, the phrase "As if by magic, the Shopkeeper appeared" immediately transports us back to a period when all of space and time was accessible via the door of a changing room. This wasn't "Doctor Who", it was a little man in a bowler hat who went on the most incredible animated adventures (personal favourites are “Wizard” and “Spaceman”). Written and drawn by David McKee and narrated by the soothing voice of Ray Brooks, the nation's children took Mr Benn to their hearts and he became a national institution - images appearing on adverts, posters, T- Shirts and even, in 2024, in “Doctor Who”…

• The World of Val Doonican LP - okay so maybe I’m fudging things here slightly, as this “Best of” album came out around 1968/1969. However I would have been too young to have heard it then, so it gets a place in 1971 when I was four years old. This coincides with my earliest memories of visiting my maternal grandparents in Sudbury, Suffolk. They had a massive “radiogram” that took up a corner of the living room in their cottage - complete with record player - and one of the albums in the cupboard was from good old Val. He was already a staple of Saturday night TV and on rainy weekend visits I’d put the LP on and listen to his smooth voice crooning out such hits as “Ellusive Butterfly” and “Walk Tall” - plus comedy classics “Rafferty’s Motor Car” and “Paddy McGinty’s Goat”. Those songs and that album cover bring back such happy memories from a genuinely golden time.

• Master Mind - no not the brainiac TV quiz show, but the “Invicta” peg based logic game (although many confused the two). Players had to guess the colour and placement of four pegs chosen by their opponent - their only indicator of success being a combination of black or white “feedback” pegs. The idea being that you work out the right combination before running out of turns. It’s more complicated than it sounds, trust me. A staple of kids Christmas presents (probably due to its size and cheapness), “Master Mind” is undoubtedly most famous for the picture on the box of an immaculately groomed bearded man in a suit, shadowed by a beautiful Asian woman. I must have played it for hours with my younger brother and there were multiple variations over the years. Sadly the picture does not depict an international spy and his associate, but the owner of a local chain of hairdressers who lived near the factory and a computer science student from Leicester University !

• Dave Allen At Large - obviously I was far too young to watch the hilarious sketches and monologues from the first few series of this landmark show, but as the years went by and I was allowed to stay up later, I became a huge fan. Dave’s relaxed style, perched on a stool, smoking away and sipping on a whiskey (actually ginger ale) was one of my formative experiences with comedy. I loved it as he appeared to get angrier and angrier. Never afraid to poke holes in the absurdities of life and the pomposity of religion, his routines were masterclasses in both timing and delivery - and laugh out loud funny both then and now. 

• Madman Across the Water by Elton John - not one of Reg’s best albums commercially, but boy does it have a bunch of songs that have stood the test of time, especially to my ears. I’ll always listen to the title track, plus standouts “ Levon” and “Indian Summer”, but it’s the 6 minutes and 17 seconds of the sublime “Tiny Dancer” that sits in the highest reaches of my favourite EJ music - especially after its brilliant use in the 2000 film “Almost Famous”.  Now that’s a movie I will definitely come to…

Golden Sunsets Redux - 60 Years of Memories - Part 4 - 1970

This time I'm focusing on a movie that was musical, educational, entertaining, odd and just a little bit scary...

1970:

The trivia:

• Author Joe Klaas alleged that aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart had actually survived her attempted flight round the world in 1937. Apparently she was captured by the Japanese, rescued and then secretly moved to New Jersey where she married and changed her identity to Irene Craigmile Bolam, a New York banker. Despite no concrete evidence to support his wild claims, the book was only pulled when Bolam sued both Klaas and his publisher.

• When a 45 foot, 8 ton sperm whale washed up on the shores of Florence, Oregon,  the authorities were concerned about the safety of curious onlookers so decided to…blow it up. Oregon Highway Division packed it full of half a ton of dynamite, stood back and…the resulting explosion threw huge chunks of whale carcass over 800 feet away. Thankfully no one was injured but at least one car was crushed as blubber rained from the sky.

• The serving of a daily “tot” of rum was a long standing Royal Navy tradition dating back over 300 years. Originally introduced to help combat scurvy, it soon became a part of naval culture. However concerns about operators of machinery being possibly intoxicated finally led to it being stopped on 31st July 1970. The last day was called "Black Tot Day" and was marked by mock funerals and sailors wearing black armbands. This day is still commemorated by…the consumption of rum.

The memory:

The Phantom Tollbooth

Billed as an "Alphabeautiful, Mathemagical Musical", this film is based on the 1961 children's book of the same name by Norton Juster (which is apparently a modern American classic, although somehow I have never read it). It's predominately famous because it was co-written, produced and directed by animation legend Chuck Jones - the man who was responsible for some of the all-time great Warner Brother "Looney Tunes" featuring Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and Wile E. Coyote. It also featured the absolute cream of animations voice talent. Famous names such as "Man of a Thousand Voices" Mel Blanc (Bugs, Daffy, Sylvester the Cat, Barney Rubble), Daws Butler (Yogi Bear, Fred Flintstone, Huckleberry Hound) Hans Conried (Captain Hook) and June Foray (Rocky the Flying Squirrel and Tweety Pie's owner, Granny). It's also notable as the last animated film by MGM.

It's unlikely many people will have seen this film in recent years  - and even less probably remember it -  so I'm going to go through the story in some fine detail. It'll help when I get to the end, so please indulge me.

Milo (played by Butch Patrick from "The Munsters") lives and goes to school in San Francisco but just seems to dawdle through life not seeing what's around him. Everything is "a big waste of time". Spending another dull afternoon in his apartment on the phone to his friend Ralph, he suddenly notices a huge red and white striped parcel in his bedroom. The label reads "For Milo, who has plenty of time". Opening it up, the parcel transforms into a talking tollbooth and before he knows what is happening, Milo is seated inside a child-sized sports car and told to pick a destination from a map. Selecting "The Castle in the Air" at random, as he drives through the tollbooth Milo finds himself transformed into a cartoon and a swirling coloured vortex deposits him onto a twisting turning road.

He is immediately accosted by Officer Short Shrift, a tiny policeman riding about on one wheel . Shrift is a proto-Judge Dredd - possessing a huge chin with his upper face hidden by a helmet. He is cop, judge and jailer - believes everyone is guilty  until proven innocent - and hands out excessive sentences for minor misdemeanours. Just like Dredd then. 

Thankfully Milo gets away and drives into the town of Expectations, where he meets the unhelpful Whether Man, who never gives a straight answer and hates to make up his mind. Continuing on the same road for what seems like hours, Milo starts to drift asleep and doesn't pay attention as he takes the wrong turn into "The Doldrums". Inside the dank caves live the amoeba-like ghostly Lethargians who never think and are happy doing anything as long as it's...nothing. They convince Milo that he should stay with them and slowly his car sinks into the mass of creatures as their comical grins turn nasty - they want to stop the boy doing anything at all - eating, sleeping or even breathing...

Milo is only saved from this fate by the arrival of Tock the watchdog (who genuinely has a huge pocket watch in his stomach) and the pair are able to escape before a tidal wave of Lethargians engulfs them. Tock explains to Milo that he is in the Kingdom of Wisdom - a land ruled by two warring brothers - King Azaz the Unabridged of Dictionopolis whose believes that words are more important than numbers, and the Mathemagician of Digitopolis, who holds the opposite view. Their refusal to agree on anything has led the kingdom into confusion and there are demons gathering in the Mountains of Ignorance just waiting to pounce.

Driving towards Dictionopolis into the town of Expectations, Milo meets the Whether Man, who never gives a straight answer and hates to make up his mind. Apparently words have lost their meaning. He really gives no clear help before rising off into the sky attached to a number of balloons. They then almost immediately come across the mad Doctor Kakofonous, who loves loud objectionable sounds. While the doctor is distracted by the terrible noise he is making, they sneak out of his larger-on-the-inside caravan and Tock grabs a vial of Laughter tonic.

Finally arriving in the city, they enter the Marketplace of Words. Caught up in a duel between the insectoids The Spelling Bee and The Humbug, which wrecks the market, they end up sentenced to the dungeons for six million years. Inside they find the no-so-wicked Which, Faintly Macabre and she tells Milo the secret history of the kingdom and how the twin princesses Rhyme and Reason were banished to the Castle in the Air after causing the feud between King Azaz and the Mathemagician. 

Summoned to an audience with the monarch, Milo convinces him that Rhyme and Reason can be rescued - and Tock and The Humbug will accompany him. Before he leaves, Azaz gives Milo a huge bag of words which contains all the ideas anyone can think of.

Beginning their quest, the trio follow the road until it is blocked by a stone doorway leading into the Numbers Mine. Above the entrance they spot The Dodecahedron (who wears twelve different faces displaying twelve different emotions). He helps Milo break down the door and inside the mine they finally meet the Mathemagician. It's clear that he is the exact double of King Azaz, just with an opposing opinion. Leading the adventurers to his highly computerised workshop, he reveals that he blames Azaz for nothing making sense anymore but when Milo makes him realise that at least the pair agree to disagree, he sends them on with their journey - but not before giving Milo a magic pencil.

Heading towards the Mountains of Ignorance, Milo, Tock and Humbug come across Chroma, who conducts the sunrises and sunsets. When Humbug eggs Milo on to have a go at directing the sunrise, it ends in disaster and the sky becomes a constant battleground between the Sun and the Moon. Running from their mistake they are stopped in their tracks by the Senses Taker, an information obsessed paper pusher who wants to remove all their senses. Tock uses the vial he took from Doctor Dischord to engulf the weasely man in fits of giggles. After all, no one can take away your sense of humour...

Climbing the mountains, they have to face a number of even more bizarre obstacles. Firstly there is the Terrible Trivium - a faceless, bowler hatted man with detached body parts. Then what sounds like a terrible monstrous creature turns out to be just a pathetic ball of fur with a loud voice - the Demon of Insincerity. Finally there is the dim-witted Gelatinous Giant - who is defeated by that unusual bag of ideas and just melts away into sludge.

Almost at the doors of the Castle in the Air, they are blocked by the hordes of the Demons of Ignorance -  which include the Horrible Hopping Hindsight, the Gorgons of Hate, Malice, the Threadbare Excuse and worst of all the Overbearing Know-It-All. Using the magic pencil and the the bag of words together, Milo forces them back, drawing every weapon he needs and loading them with physical words. The demons merge to form a giant monster but the power of the word "Truth" disperses them into their component parts. Sadly Tock's pocket watch is damaged in the battle and Milo has to leave him and Humbug behind.

Ascending the invisible steps to the Castle, Milo finally meets the Princesses and learns they were the ones who sent for him because only a boy that was so bored he would do anything would be able to rescue them. Unable to get down, Milo spies the Whether Man and uses his balloons to get back to his friends, while Rhyme and Reason transform the kingdom back to the beautiful place it once was. Tock is repaired, Officer Shrift now thinks everyone is innocent and the Doctor is  a student of harmony not discord. Even the sky is fixed.

Having saved the day, Milo gets to go home back through the tollbooth, which folds itself up and flies out of the window. With a newfound enjoyment of life and all its little pleasures, Milo discovers that only five minutes has past and Ralph is still on the phone, although... what's  that strange red and white striped box that has just turned up in *his* bedroom?...

As you can tell from the synopsis above, the story is full of irony, double entendre, puns and wordplay. It might be billed as an animated action adventure but it has a hugely educational and moral message. Not only does Milo gain a new love of learning and practically apply the things from school that he previously thought were dull, he also rediscovers a love of life. It's also a commentary on the need for common sense and for rules (without Rhyme or Reason, the Kingdom of Wisdom descends into anarchy) and about learning from ones own mistakes. But it never descends into heavy-handed preaching.

Of course the film can be compared to "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" since both feature a child thrust into a world of absurd logic. The Whether Man's ramblings could be the Cheshire Cat and Officer Short Shrift's extreme justice is similar to that of the Queen of Hearts (although with more jail-time and less head chopping). The film has elements of "The Wizard of Oz", but parts (especially Chroma, the conductor of sunsets) also reminded me of the "Sorcerer's Apprentice" segment. from Disney's "Fantasia".

The animation is a curious mish-mash of styles. There are some classic wonderful Chuck Jones creations with the lead characters and Milo himself has those big eyes from Pepe Le Pew, Elsewhere some of the monsters seem almost half finished - just outlines with no real definition as if  they are not really there. Maybe that was deliberate. The backgrounds are also a mix of detailed buildings, half rendered shapes and abstract squiggles, perhaps representing the fluidity of the Kingdom as it flounders without any rules.

Now you might think that I've got amazing recall about a film I watched as a kid, but the truth is as part of writing this I watched it again for the first time in over thirty years - and I still found it as psychedelic and magical and entertaining as ever.  

The thing is though , I principally remember this film because as much as I enjoyed the inventive animation and the sheer artistry on display, it actually scared me enough to cause a few nights of lost sleep. The Lethargians in the green slime of the region of "The Doldrums"  - those fluid, amorphous shapes that split and reform as they ooze around their domain with a wet sucking sound? - as a child I found them terrifying. Even their song, "Don't Say There's Nothing To Do In the Doldrums" was spooky. Those evil denizens haunted my sleeping hours. I dreamt I was being sucked under the surface, their beady eyes and reedy voices laughing as they piled their sludge on top of me, trapping me forever. I remember waking up with a loud scream - convinced that I was lost in the Doldrums…

Even now all these decades later, if I have strange or unpleasant dreams, I wake myself up by shouting - much to the concern of my ever so patient wife. (oh and trust me, I do dream a *lot* - I should write a book about my weird nocturnal imaginings. The one about the roast chicken god hidden in the air ducts of a train for example…).

At the end of the day it may not be up there with the all time famous animated movies and some might find the moralising message laid on too thick, but you can't fault the imagination of the source material and the wonderful way that Chuck Jones adapted it to the big screen. It's a bit of a lost classic really. The book's author apparently hated it (especially when it was well reviewed) but for me the characters have always been part of a really strong vivid memory, and that's why it deserves a place on this list.

Honourable mentions:

• Sleeping Beauty  - Why is a Disney animated film released in 1959 mentioned in a list covering 1970 ? Well the classic fairy tale was re-released for the first time in this year - and more importantly it’s the first film I can recall going to the cinema to see. Even all these decades later, the memory is still really vivid - I can picture the location, almost recall the feel of the velour seats and the smell of the popcorn but most importantly I remember the fear I felt when faced with Maleficent in her dragon form. The purple and black scales, the glowing green eyes - it’s a beautiful yet menacing design. The rest of the film isn’t too shabby either. Sadly, like so many things from my youth, the cinema in question no longer exists - demolished to make way for flats.

• Barbapapa - Apparently inspired by candy floss ( known as “Barbe a papa” or “daddy’s beard” in France), the literary adventures of this pink blob-like character and his colourful, shape-changing family made regular appearances in my village library - and it’s one of the first series I can remember reading. The books were simple, colourful and slightly strange - perfect fodder for a young child. Four years later there was a TV series, racking up an astonishing 100 five-minute episodes across its two seasons - plus the inevitable BBC hardback annual (a perfect gift for Christmas!). Long after I can no longer remember the actual stories, the character designs have stayed with me. 

• Scrooge - There have been a million and one versions of Charles Dickens 1843 classic “A Christmas Carol” - and obviously a certain Muppet one is the best (and I’ll get to that in time) - but for me this is a close second, due to it being family favourite every year when it first started being shown on TV. Albert Finney is old Ebeneezer in an all-singing, all-dancing, all-star spectacular. Director Robert Neame gets the best out of his ensemble and the choreography is second to none - with the stand out being the Oscar-nominated “Thank You Very Much”. The musical has also had a long legacy with no less than five different stage shows starring the likes of Anthony Newley, Tommy Steele and Shane Ritchie. There’s even been a Netflix animated movie as recently as 2022, with the vocal talents of Luke Evans in the starring role. No matter the version, the songs are guaranteed to have me singing along.

• The Goodies - I adore the madcap adventures of Grahame Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Bill Oddie - the trio that “do anything, anytime”. Although the programme debuted in 1970, for me the golden age is really 1972 through to 1975 with episodes such as "Kitten Kong", "The Goodies and the Beanstalk", "Kung-Fu Kapers", "The Movies", "Gunfight at the OK Tearooms" and of course "Puppet Government". It was a travesty that the BBC only ever repeated selected episodes - and then rarely - and only a handful were available to buy on DVD until 2019. Having now watched them all, it’s clear than a few are very much of their time, and occasionally a bit repetitive (how many times did we need Grahame as a mad scientist?).  But in the main they were surreal, topical, absurd and just damn funny. 

• The Adventures of Rupert Bear - Just Raggety. The stuff of nightmares. What were they thinking?...

We're All Stories In the End 11 - Casualties of War

No companions. No memory. No TARDIS. But still the Doctor....

Casualties of War by Steve Emmerson

Eighth Doctor Adventures number: 38

Originally published: September 2000

Companions: None

1918. The world is at war. A terrible raging conflict that has left no one untouched.

In the North Yorkshire village of Hawkswick, it seems that the dead won't stay down. There are reports of horrifically wounded soldiers on manoeuvres in the night. Pets have gone missing, and now livestock is found slaughtered in the fields.

Suspicion naturally falls on nearby Hawkswick Hall, a psychiatric hospital for shell-shocked soldiers, where Private Daniel Corey senses a gathering evil.

As events escalate, a stranger arrives on the scene. Can this Man from the Ministry solve the mystery of Hawkswick? And can Hawkswick solve the mystery that is this Man from the Ministry?.

Another month and another Eighth Doctor novel - and another new setup for our favourite Timelord.

This time he's somehow become an amnesiac with no access to the TARDIS - but you know that really doesn’t matter. Even without his memories, at the core he is still the same person with the same inquisitiveness and passion for the unusual. His personality breaks through and his determination is clear,

Okay so the plot could probably be summarised as "golem-like dead soldier's rising from the mud to attack an innocent village, all under the thrall of an unseen psychic intelligence". So far, so Doctor Who you might think. But the novel's greatest strength is the fact that the story is told in a way that’s just so damn creepy...

There really are some atmospheric and disturbing scenes -

• The Doctor sifting through chucks of dead bodies in the middle of a field.
• The poacher discovering a tree full of the severed heads of dead animals - and then putting a bullet through his own brain when he is surrounded by the walking dead.
• A mute soldier taking out his pain and rage on a humanoid clay figure during a bizarre therapy session.
• Farmer Cromby setting his own barn on fire and watching the blazing bodies of dead soldiers crumble to earth.
• And of course the scenes in the "clay room" where Mary finds a book with Latin text and woodcuts of horrific demons - only for the door to slam shut, trapping her in the darkness and absorbing her into the ooze. It may be a slight cliché, but it's still incredibly effective.

And although the Doctor is front and centre in the story it's actually the supporting characters that really shine here. The intelligent, caring Mary Minnett and the elderly, world weary Constable Briggs are essentially pseudo-companions for the  Doctor and the story is all the better for it.

Mary's playful relationship with the mysterious "Man from the Ministry" builds nicely over the course of the novel and you almost want them to get together - and at one point the Doctor even seems to consider it. Plus while Albert Briggs might be totally out of his comfort zone here, that doesn’t stop his dogged loyalty and the care he has for his little community

If I had criticisms  - well perhaps there were a few too many trips back and forth to Banham's hospital for angry confrontations before its revealed (quite obviously) that he was the villain of the piece.

I did like that Banham used pagan "Dark Forces" to release his patients’ psychic potential and manifest the madness of the Great War - and that it ultimately was too much for him to control. But I could have done without a trip to a metaphysical netherworld where the Doctor used his strength of will to turn said Dark Forces against themselves.

Maybe I'm quibbling. Overall it's a genuinely enjoyable novel that isn’t afraid to examine the horrors of war with some psychological depth, a few good scares and some excellent descriptive prose.

We may not be in the trenches, but you can feel the mud and the stench and the terror.

Sometimes the worst horrors are close to home...

Golden Sunsets Redux - 60 Years of Memories - Part 3 - 1969

 It's time for a visit to the most famous county in children's television...

1969:

The trivia:

• There was a genuine board game called "Chug A Lug" which involved smoking, drinking beer and taking soft drugs. Activities on the cards included composing a poem about birth control, discuss the use of jelly as a lubricant and guessing the bra size of all the girls. Penalties involved running to the off license to get more beer, removing clothing or not being allowed to go to the bathroom.

• Italian company Ledragomma created a toy to allow children to bounce around like kangaroos. With a few tweaks and a name change, when it was launched in Britain the “Space Hopper” became the most popular toy in the country - at its peak selling 200,000 a year. Activities with your Space Hopper included races at Butlins holiday camps, boys holding jousting tournaments (squirting water from washing-up bottles) and girls dressing them up like fat orange dolls. 

• After more than 17 years of investigations, by the time the US Air Force closed "Project Blue Book" it had collected more than 12,000 reports of Unidentified Flying Objects. Sadly the conclusion was that most sightings were due to misidentification of conventional phenomena or aircraft, mass hysteria, hoaxes or “mental illness” - and that there was no evidence to support the existence of UFO's. 

• Meanwhile there was some small event about man landing on the Moon. It didn't get much news coverage...

The memory:

Chigley

Yes it's the third of the "Trumptonshire" trilogy after "Camberwick Green" and "Trumpton". This is the one that people remember because of *that* train song...

God how I loved all three of these stop-motion series as a child. Apart from "Playschool", they are probably my earliest memory of children's television. There's just something so quintessentially British about the little lives of all those characters, each with their own song and their own idiosyncrasies. All three shows have their own singular joys. The Trumpton fire brigade - who never get to put out a real fire. The characters rising out of the music box at the start of "Camberwick Green". The soldiers at Pippin Fort. 

But it was the sight of Brackett (no first name sadly) plodding endlessly down the bizarre, modern art covered, corridors of Winkstead Hall in search of Lord Bellborough (who was usually to be found next to a telephone, the annoying old duffer !)  that was always my favourite.

It's difficult to accurately date when I first watched Gordon Murray's era defining programmes. They were all shown so often that the repeats blur into one.  What's odd though is that I don't have any memories of thinking "Oh I've seen this one before". There is just a haze of happy memories punctuated by Brian Cant's wonderful narration. I do know that when I first went to school I used to come home for lunch sometimes and more often than not there would be an episode to watch as I ate my cheese sandwiches or beans on toast. What also made "Chigley" rather unique was that it featured guest appearances of characters from the other earlier shows. It was probably my first experience of a franchise crossover, and there was always a surge of excitement when someone like Captain Flack and his brigade put in an appearance.

Chigley was described as an industrial hamlet and it certainly was a hive of activity, with a lively wharf, family run pottery and Mr. Cresswell's biscuit factory all within a short distance of each other. Unlike the other two series, there wasn't really a hub (such as the town square) and the action moved between locations as the story dictated. What you could always guarantee was that there would be a need for a train journey and dear old Lord Bellborough would rush to put on his overalls and get Bessie out of her shed and chuffing along the tracks as quickly as possible - all to the strains of "time goes by when you're the driver of a train". He'd rope long suffering Brackett into things too, although he never seemed to do much. 

Lord B obviously had a lot of time on his hands as he didn't need much of an excuse to turn train driver (no Lady Bellborough to keep him busy I guess). Not only that but he also operated the vintage Dutch organ for the dancers at the end of the day jamboree outside the biscuit factory. Why was it such an elaborate musical device? Where did the ladies in their odd costumes come from ? (none are shown working at the factory). Why did they feel the need to celebrate their daily freedom from biscuit servitude with a polka?  No idea. Perhaps his lordship was secretly an eccentric tyrant who insisted that the workers that used his land jigged about for his sadistic pleasure. We'll never know...

Actually another thing that didn't bother the child me watching, but becomes obvious when viewed through adult eyes, is that the biscuit factory is bigger on the inside. There's just a small entrance, conveyor belt and van parking area outside, yet within there is a vast automated production line, churning out biscuits by the thousand. Perhaps most of it is underground. No wonder the workers couldn't wait for the six o'clock whistle. 

All of this nicely illustrates one of the key things about the "Trumptonshire Trilogy" - the idea of the old ways living alongside the new. The wharf and the biscuit factory, steam trains and cars, Windy Miller and Farmer Jonathan Bell - everyone gets along and has a place to fit in. It's an idyllic world drawn from multiple eras of British society.

 "Chigley" and its stablemates were a huge influence on a generation of children who grew up to be musicians, programme makers and creators in later life. Surreal rock / folk band "Half Man Half Biscuit" released "Time Flies By" and "Trumpton Riots". Lyrics in one of the songs by "Oasis" obliquely referenced faithful retainer Brackett. In Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon's seminal comic book "Preacher", one depraved character sings the familiar train song as he rides naked on a bicycle - as you do. If you are 40+ years old, those images and tunes are woven tightly into your DNA.

With DVD's the default home entertainment media of choice in the early 2000s, I ended up buying a whole host of children's favourites on shiny disc. The "Trumptonshire Trilogy" was one of the first. 36 episodes of pure bliss which took me back to a time when kids TV didn't have to be about high octane action or another way of selling innocent little cherubs the latest over-priced tat - just slices of life in a quaint English county (although that one about Windy Miller getting drunk on cider....hmmm...). Maybe I'll get to show "Chigley" to my grandchildren one day  - at which point they will probably complain about its lack of 3D virtual reality interaction or some such nonsense.

I'll close off this memory with the sheer brilliance that is the Trumptonshire homage from seminal cop drama "Life On Mars". If only they could have stretched to Gene Hunt chasing down some "nonces" on a train...

Honourable mentions:

• A Feast Unknown

For most of my life I’ve loved the “pulp” heroes of the early 20th Century. Doc Savage, The Shadow, The Avenger, The Spider and many other characters beginning with “The”. Even though their original adventures were published long before I was born, as we will see, these heroes will feature large in other posts in this personal history. Science fiction author Philip Jose Farmer was also a huge fan - so much so that, even before he got to write his own Doc Savage novel, he included versions of some pulp characters in his “Wold Newton” stories. “A Feast Unknown” (and its two sequels) are slightly adjacent to that - but ’Lord Grandrith’ and ‘Doc Caliban’ are clearly Tarzan and Savage. Incredibly strong, virtually immortal, yet sexually dysfunctional, this ‘pulp erotic horror’ novel sees the two initially at loggerheads but ultimately on the same side against the evil of ‘The Nine’. But this is not before they (obviously) fight each other - with the twist being that they grapple nude while each sporting massive erections! Needless to say I’d never read a book like it!

• Pot Black

I didn't become aware of this seminal snooker tournament until I was probably around nine or ten, but the first competition was shown in 1969, hence why it's included here. Created by then BBC2 controller David Attenborough (yes that one) to make the most of the fledgling channels colour transmissions, it ran for an amazing 17 year and helped transform snooker from a minority interest into one of the most popular sports in the UK. My Dad was a huge snooker fan and the combination of  having only one television and the show being on in the winter months meant that we often watched as a family. The soothing tones of commentator Ted Lowe and the simplicity of the format (even if playing is definitely a test of real skill) resulted in me soon enjoying it as much as Dad did (one of the very few sports I can say that about). Plus of course the programme introduced the wider world to a raft of memorable players, such as Ray Reardon, Dennis Taylor, Steve Davis, Jimmy White, Cliff Thorburn, Alex Higgins...the list goes on and on.

•  Tommy by The Who

The classic rock concept album and the story of pinball savant / spiritual leader Tommy Walker has arguably become part of the UK’s musical DNA, influencing generations of artists. I think it was my brother who first got hold of a copy of the double LP sometime around 1981 and drove our parents mad by basically playing it to death. I don’t think I had much choice except to become a fan - although that was really cemented when I discovered the 1975 film directed by Ken Russell and the ‘deaf, dumb and blind kid’ became visual . Obviously “Pinball Wizard “ is the track everyone knows, but other clear standouts are “Acid Queen”, “Cousin Kevin” and “We’re Not Gonna Take It”. Then again, controversially, - even though others think it redundant and even repetitive - I have a real soft spot for the 10 minute opus that is “Underture”.

• The Italian Job

Iconic: adjective: widely known and acknowledged especially for distinctive excellence. It’s a word that’s vastly overused nowadays. But it rightly and justly can be applied to this famous heist caper. Occasionally in movies all the elements of cast, crew, plot, action, music, etc. come together to create something really, really special. There's no point me going through all the moments that have become embedded in British society in the years since. Images and phrases that are cult symbols - that some youngsters will know without even being aware of their origins. After it's release there were obvious talks of sequels and many, many ideas about how they would get out of that literal cliffhanger ending (in 2008, the Royal Society of Chemistry even held a competition for a solution). There was that unnecessary remake in 2003 (and why does Mark Wahlberg have a hand in so many bad versions of my favourite films?). I'll stick with the original thank you very much - I love everything about it. A bona fide classic.

We're All Stories In The End 10 - Camera Obscura

Sometimes novels pose more questions than they answer. But sometimes that's a good thing...

Camera Obscura by Lloyd Rose

Eighth Doctor Adventures number: 59

Originally published: August 2002

Companions: Fitz and Anji

The Doctor sat alone and listened to the beat of his remaining heart. He had never got used to it. He never would. The single sound where a double should be. What was this new code hammering through his body? What did it mean? Mortal. No, he'd always known he could die. Not mortal. Damaged. Crippled. Through his shirt, his fingers sought the thick ridge of his scar. Human...

The Doctor's second heart was taken from his body — for his own good, he was told. Removed by his sometime ally, sometime rival, the mysterious time-traveller Sabbath. Now, as a new danger menaces reality, the Doctor finds himself working with Sabbath again. 

From a seance in Victorian London to a wild pursuit on Dartmoor, the Doctor and his companions work frantically to unravel the mystery of this latest threat to Time... Before Time itself unravels..

This month we are back in the world of the Eighth Doctor - and you may recall that when I read "Anachrophobia", there were a couple of things I found slightly confusing: Why did the Doctor only have one heart ? Who was Mistletoe ? (okay yes I've figured it out now) - and entering this book, it’s the same conundrum - what happened in Spain? Why are the Time Lords gone ?

But this time, I'm not frustrated by gaps in my knowledge of the back-story - because when a book is *this* good, you just jump into the hansom cab and hang on !

Sure, it's a Victorian era setting - we've been here before in "Talons of Weng Chiang" and "All Consuming Fire" to name just two. The thing is, despite their veneer of moralistic values and gleaming Crystal Palaces, the old Victorians liked a bit of the grotesque - and we get that here with an under-society of madhouses, seances, freaks, dodgy magicians and carnival sideshows.

It’s a London that oozes atmosphere - full of drugs, dirt, disease, dismemberment and death. All this plus a man split into eight parts and a misshapen time-twisted monster with a mouth in his eye, a rose bush for a leg and a toaster on his back. Something to give even Morbius a run for his money. Lovely !

Given the period, Lloyd Rose obviously can't resist some Conan Doyle homage's, but I don't blame her. The Doctor's desperate escape across Dartmoor is exhilarating stuff even if there is a strong whiff of a certain hound on the breeze - and when you have an antagonist as interesting as Sabbath there are bound to be comparisons to a certain foe of the master detective.

But actually, forget Moriarty (or the Master for that matter), Sabbath is probably closest to Mycroft Holmes - the Doctor's intellectual equal (at the very least), but someone who  looks at things from a different more... singular viewpoint.

Clearly, both see themselves as THE protector of Time - and the other as a dangerous meddling fool. Forced to work together, they disapprove of each other's choices -  and some of the most enjoyable exchanges are where they argue points of intellectual morality (usually in front of a roaring fire). That and a great joke with a whoopee cushion!

I may not know much about Sabbath's history at this point - but I definitely know that I want to read more. In fact the race to recover a defective time machine with the power to destroy the entire fabric of time and space is almost secondary to the relationships between the various rich characters - and for once I'm glad. 

The Doctor's interactions with the exhibition freaks, the weird Chiltern family and even the untrustworthy Scale are all brilliantly realised. Equally the Doctor's emotional journey is there for all to experience. We've rarely seen him this vulnerable, this cranky - or this desperate.

In between the clever dialogue (and some damn good cliff-hangers) there are lovely little touches - paragraphs that brought a big grin to my face:

The TARDIS entranceway being cloaked in an illusion of darkness  - that prevents the console room from being seen from outside - is a loving nod to the constraints of the classic series. The way the Doctor describes time as a musical score with infinite possible ornamentations is just glorious - as is Sabbath listing all the ways that the Doctor is "plucked out of trouble at the last minute". It's true, in his presence the odds DO collapse. Oh, and lets not forget the fun with the tennis ball at the very end!

But as much as this is a novel about the Doctor - it's not about the Doctor being in control. He's swept along from one crisis to the next - often suffering immense gruesome harm in the process. I totally get the conceit that while Sabbath has his other heart, the Doctor is effectively immortal, but did he really have to go through quite so much to prove it ? At various times he has his chest crushed, his remaining heart stabbed, his face sliced open and is bashed up and down on the floor like a rag doll! Okay so he's allowed time to recover, but its still a bit much.

All that and he travels to the land of the dead (or maybe it's" hell") to strike a bargain with the avatar of Death herself. This is a sidestep into unexpected territory for sure, but it's so beautifully written that it's forgiven. The section where, in order to continue his descent, the Doctor gradually strips himself of his clothes, his body, his strength and finally his heart - is just marvellous.

Can you tell I loved this book ? I hope so. It's one of those novels you want to show to people and shout "Here ! Read this bit! It's brilliant isn't it ?".

So more from Lloyd Rose please. More Sabbath. And more Eighth Doctor novels that are this enjoyable.