A case of nice idea, shame about the....
Death and Diplomacy by Dave Stone
Seventh Doctor Adventures number: 49
Originally published: April 1996
Companions: Benny, Roz & Chris
Three mighty empires poised for war!
In the far-off Magellan Cluster, the savage Dakhaari, the militaristic Czhans and the evil backstabbing Saloi are at each other's respective throats over the tiny, peaceful planet of Moriel. The Hollow Gods have decreed that a satellite be built in which they must settle their differences or else. But just who has the tact and diplomacy to arbitrate these talks?
Meanwhile, Roz and Chris are on Moriel with the Czhanist army, knocking seven bells out of the native populace. Why have they launched this sneak attack? Will it wreck the talks completely? Are they participating in the Hollow Gods' hidden agenda — a plan that will result in the death of billions?
And while the others are otherwise occupied, Benny is stranded, lost and alone, facing the most terrifying challenge of her life — someone who will haunt her for the rest of her days. He's called Jason.
So Dave Stone is a name I remember from the 1990s and early 2000s on various comic strips set in the Judge Dredd universe - most notably the pretty good Inspector Morse inspired "Armitage". Unfortunately he also wrote the woeful "Soul Sisters", which deserves to be forgotten. Finally he did a quartet of novels about Dredd himself. I vaguely recall them being of variable quality - but to be honest I've not read them since they came out nearly 30 years ago.
So will this be good Dave Stone or bad Dave Stone ? Let's find out….
Well this book is a comedy. We know this because the author felt the need to explain it via a note at the start - always a worrying sign. He says that comedy's don’t always have to be stuffed full of gags - but here's the thing, they do still have to be good.
Plus Mr Stone moans that readers have been *wilfully* failing to pick up all the allusions and references in his prior novels. Maybe that’s meant to be a joke too, but all of it certainly didn’t enamour me to the author when I'm about to read his new novel…
But moving past that odd little intro, the core idea of the book is a reasonably good one - what if not only are the gods you worship not real, but your entire history has been subverted and changed by an outside force. You see, each of the three alien races in this story has been conditioned to hate their neighbours, even though they have more in common than they think.
It just needs the Doctor to solve the mystery of the "Hollow Gods", broker a peace between the races, and everyone can go home happy. Great, huh ?
Well it depends on your tolerance for smug banter and shaggy plotting - because this is less cosmic horror or political intrigue, more sitcom-in-space, with a Doctor that doesn't really *do* anything - just reveals stuff at the most opportune moment.
Yes, he does subtly manipulate the alien delegates into realising that some of their most closely held beliefs about their enemies are just the result of errors in translation, but that's about it. I get that this incarnation is secretive and enigmatic, but for goodness sake, have him be more proactive !
Otherwise every time we cut back from whatever is going on with the companions, it's just more wandering around in endless conference suites. Hardly a riveting read.
As for the "surprise reveal" that Shug - the small furry creature ignored by everyone - is really the bad guy - hey hello! - anyone remember "The Star Beast" ? Mills and Wagner did it first *and* better in Doctor Who Weekly a decade and a half earlier.
Sigh. Anyway, lets talk about those companions.
The whole Chriz and Roz section where they go off and play dress up as soldiers? You could cut that out and…. nothing will have changed! They are utterly superfluous to anything meaningful in the story. Mere distraction to get the page count up.
I like that Benny and Jason are in this book. I like them in the Big Finish audios. I was interested in reading about how they first met. Clearly this is where Stone's heart lies in terms of this novel. But oh dear. Not only do they sound like such annoying idiots - their "romance" is utterly unconvincing.
I get that Stone was maybe going for a "they don't like each other but fall in love in spite of themselves" angle, but they spend so little time together *on the page* and when they do, it's just endless bickering. There is no time to feel that connection forming. At one point little furry Shug spits out that he's fed up with their "sexual-chemistry-charged and mutually misunderstood" arguments. Yeah me too.
Plus I just found Jason to be a bit of a twat. Maybe that's meant to be his charm - the lovable idiot - but to be honest, the couples conversations felt about as sexually charged as a wet lettuce !
So, is this book in any way funny ? Well... vaguely I guess. There are some slightly humourous situations. But generally, it's all trying a bit too hard. Stone seems to be constantly trying to tell us how clever he is (remember the authors note from earlier ? ) and honestly, some of the language and phrasing used just sounds as if they come from a teenager sniggering away in the corner. The result is a tone that’s neither sharp satire nor warm character comedy, but something awkwardly in between.
Oh and judging by certain elements he also clearly wants to be Douglas Adams. Newsflash kids - he's not. Not by a long, long way.
A good book. No not really. Enjoyable ? Sadly not. A comedy ? Probably only a comedy of errors.
And that’s a shame.
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