The name's Who, Doctor Who...
Demontage by Justin Richards
Eighth Doctor Adventures number: 20
Originally published: March 1999
Companions: Sam, Fitz
The Vega Station — a haven for gamblers, art lovers and duty-free shoppers, the one place where the Battrulians and their erstwhile enemies, the Canvine, meet and mix, in neutral space. A pressure point, an explosive mixture. And just as the new President of Battrul is about to arrive, the TARDIS crew turn up.
Fitz is in trouble. He's accidentally got himself hired as an assassin while trying to emulate James Bond. And he's upset Bigdog Caruso, the unofficial Canvine leader on Vega.
Sam is in trouble. She's become involved with the key witness to a murder, and the witness has vanished.
The Doctor, meanwhile, has been roped in to help with investigations into robbery, sabotage and the murder, as well as to sort out Fitz's problems, Sam's problems and the President's safety. He's in his element.
And if they should get bored, there's a hitman on the loose, monsters roaming the station corridors, an exhibition of art by a painter who depicted his own death, and the opera.
What if Doctor Who did James Bond ?
Justin Richards isn't the only person to have a go at answering that question ("Spyfall" anyone?) - but his Eighth Doctor novel also throws several other things into the mix.
All of which add up to a story that may begin poorly, but builds up to a fun adventure.
So yes, all the Bondian tropes are here. A casino location. A shadowy cold-blooded assassin with a gun made of glass and a decision-making tic. A case of mistaken identity. An attractive girl with a ludicrous name. Even a high-stakes poker game in the middle to slow down the action.
But the book also feels like a tip of the hat to classic series writer Robert Holmes. There's a comedy double act of con-men working on a scam. A harassed official. Alien political machinations. Satirical commentary. And, of course, a love of the macabre.
There is a lot crammed in - and at the start that's part of the problem - too many shifting scenes, too many characters, and too many plot points introduced in quick succession.
It's not bad - well apart from some *really* awful jokes, and a seeming obsession with Fitz running out of cigarettes - but it does all gets a little confusing. The whole opening could done with a little more breathing space. A few more scenes to allow the reader to get to know the characters and the fallout from the Battrul / Canvine war.
On the plus side, I did enjoy the fact that the wolf-like Canvines were not the real monsters of the piece. The odd friendship that developed between BigDog and Fitz was fun to see. Plus their strange love of opera did make me chuckle..
As for Fitz ? Well, I already knew that I liked him from the other books in the series I've read. And while he often tries too hard - and makes some *very* bad choices when impersonating a hitman - he's still a lovable character. But, I know he's from a different time - and I know his language is meant to reflect that - but I really could have done without some of the opinions on overweight people and "poofters".
Sam is still the waste of space she's always been. She spends most of the book wandering around being bored and miserable at the bar. When she got sucked into the painting. I half hoped that was the end of her, but no such luck. How fortunate then that she ends up in the one painting with an escape route
As the book raced towards its conclusion, there were several reveals - and some work better than others. That obsequious Harris Stabilo was really a tough security agent ? Yep I like that one. That hitman Hazard Solarin was really there to protect the President ? A bit clumsily handled , but sure, why not.
But that artist extraordinaire Tolour Martinque had "faked" his own death ? It was so obviously signposted that anyone could see from a mile off.
What *was* clever was that it turned out he was actually a copy of the original, who had hid inside one of his own paintings - and was able to paint the truth of his own murder. Complicated for sure, but also weirdly satisfying - even if the way that all the various people and creatures got in and out of the artwork was so much SF mumbo jumbo that you might as well have said "it's magic".
As for those creatures ? Well the descriptions are suitably lurid and grotesque. The Devourer was a lovely monster akin to Azal or the Great Beast. But again the science behind them is a bit hazy. It felt that Richards was suggesting they were created by a futuristic version of Photoshop!
In the end, the bad guys get suitably nasty fates (though I'm not entirely sure why Gath and Blanc burst into flames). The Doctor now owns a casino, and Fitz has a drink with his new hairy best chum.
And for a story that I struggled with at the start, I found myself enjoying it more and more as time went on. With Richards’ recent passing, it’s hard not to feel a touch of sadness revisiting this novel. It's not a classic in any sense, and it does wear its influences loud and proud, but it has fun while doing so. It's chaotic and occasionally ridiculous - but still has style, and hits the target before straightening its bow tie and walking off into the sunset.
Shaken, maybe, but definitely not stirred...
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