We're All Stories In The End 2 - All-Consuming Fire

It's my first Virgin New Adventure  - a book that manages to combine my love for all things Doctor Who with another literary hero. 

Move over Batman - it's the word's greatest detective...

All-Consuming Fire by Andy Lane

Seventh Doctor New Adventures number: 27

Originally published: June 1994

Companions: Ace and Benny

"I've been all over the universe with you, Doctor, and Earth in the nineteenth century is the most alien place I've ever seen."

England, 1887. The secret library of St John the Beheaded has been robbed. The thief has taken forbidden books which tell of mythical beasts and gateways to other worlds. Only one team can be trusted to solve the crime: Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson.

As their investigation leads them to the dark underside of Victorian London, Holmes and Watson soon realise that someone else is following the same trail. Someone who has the power to kill with a glance. And they sense a strange, inhuman shape observing them from the shadows. Then they meet the mysterious traveller known only as the Doctor -- the last person alive to read the stolen books.

While Bernice waits in nineteenth-century India, Ace is trapped on a bizarre alien world. And the Doctor finds himself unwillingly united with England's greatest consulting detective.

Okay, so my first time reading a New Adventures novel and thanks to the fact that our podcast overlord has chosen a different selection system, we are not reading them in publication order. This is going to be interesting !

Mainly because, while a lot of Doctor Who stories contain call backs to things that have not been televised or written,  here there are mentions of adventures that I just haven't read yet. This is especially true with a character like Bernice Summerfield. In this book she's been part of the TARDIS team for a while, but I've yet to find out how she meets the Doctor. My own personal River Song I guess.

Anyway, "All-Consuming Fire" is a great book to start with, as it combines two of my favourite things - Doctor Who and Sherlock Holmes

Author Andy Lane clearly knows his Holmes history and peppers the book with references to past cases  - and a bit of Googling revealed that he has written a whole series of Young Sherlock novels, so clearly he's a fan.  I also liked the mentions of characters from the Sax Rohmer Fu-Manchu novels and Professor Challenger from Conan Doyle's Lost World.

And I especially enjoyed the use of long hidden brother Sherringford Holmes. The name really only appeared in Conan Doyle's notes as a possible alternative to Sherlock - and a fictional biography of Holmes in the 1960's -  but it's a name that’s been used by loads of authors since of course. Oddly I first came across it in the character of Sherringford Hovis in the novels of master of far fetched fiction Robert Rankin.

In fact the whole conceit that’s used here about Holmes and Watson being real people and the names being pseudonyms to protect their identities has been around for nearly 100 years - fans often refer to it as "The Great Game". It's a fun idea and many have played with it.

As an aside, as a youngster I personally always liked Author Philip Jose Farmers's "Wold Newton" universe, where everyone from Tarzan and Doc Savage to Holmes, Allan Quatermain, The Shadow and Philip Marlowe are all descended from the same handful of families that were affected by a falling meteorite.

The other bit of the plot I found *really* interesting was the use of spontaneous human combustion or "SHC". 

Now back in the '70s and '80s there was a huge interest in the paranormal - things like Bigfoot, the Bermuda Triangle,  ESP and of course UFOS. I guess all this  peaked in the UK in 1981 - with the TV show "Arthur C Clarke's Mysterious World" and the publication of "The Unexplained" - one of those weekly part-work magazines, this time about all things spooky and weird. I'll admit - I  lapped this up and convinced my parents to let me buy every issue. I still have all thirteen volumes in binders more than 40 years later.

There were a number of pieces about spontaneous human combustion in the magazine and as a gruesomely fascinated 13 year old  I read these avidly, with their pictures of charred remains, stumps of legs and oddly untouched rooms - so much so that when we had to do a 3 minute piece on our favourite subject in front of the English class, where others talked about football teams or pets or TV shows - I chose SHC.

I diligently memorised my three minute speech and held up pictures from the magazine to illustrate my points - to looks of incredulity from my classmates - and my teacher. I'm not sure what they made of it. It definitely wouldn’t be allowed nowadays !

Anyway back in the Sherlockian world of Doctor Who...

Favourite scenes or lines? Well I did like the Doctor clearly getting his Third incarnation kicked out of the Diogenes Club for breaking the no talking rules - and Benny and the Doctor greeting each other by "performing tricks with bits of our anatomy". And who couldn’t like the Baron snarling to Watson "you will pay in coins of agony". 

I also notice Andy Lane gets Holmes to mimic the Groucho Marx line "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member". As a Marx Brothers fan  that made me smile a lot.

However,  I'm not entirely sure about Sherringford Holme's final words mirroring those of Colonel Kurtz from Heart of Darkness / Apocalypse Now. A bit out of place I felt.

Anyway all great stuff, and I really enjoyed the book -  on to the next one !

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"The horror… the horror…"

Golden Sunsets - 50 Years Of Memories - Part 25 - 1991

This time two comedy legends create the funniest sitcom ever made...

1991:

The trivia:

• When robbers broke into the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam thanks to help from one of the security guards, they made off with 20 carefully chosen paintings worth a fortune. Unfortunately their careful planning was hampered by their main getaway car having a flat tire, causing them to abandon a stolen guard's car and flee - leaving all the paintings inside. Everything was recovered safely just 35 minutes after the initial theft.
• The record for the most people on a single aircraft was set in 1991 by an El Al Boeing 747 during 'Operation Solomon' when 1,086 Ethiopian Jews were evacuated from Addis Ababa. to Israel. The plane landed with 1,088 passengers as two babies were born during the flight. 
• "Kentucky Fried Chicken" officially changed its name to "KFC". A conspiracy theory of the time claimed that this was because they were not selling actual chickens, but cloned headless chicken bodies. 

The memory:

Bottom

So at last we come to my favourite comedy TV show of all time - the one that stands head and shoulders above all others. It's the culmination of all the work that Rik Mayall and Ade Edmonson had done in years past with "The Dangerous Brothers", "The Young Ones" and "Filthy, Rich & Catflap". It's bleak, violent, chaotic and incredibly silly. It's their masterpiece and I just bloody well love it.

Richard "Richie" Richard (Mayall) and Edward Elisabeth "Eddie" Hitler (Edmonson) are two layabout perverted nutters who live in Hammersmith, London. Eddie mostly thinks about drinking and  and Richie is desperate to meet a woman and finally "do it". They hate each other but seem doomed to be stuck together, wishing for better things but never achieving them. As many have observed, it's Samuel Beckett's "Waiting For Godot" with plenty of added extreme "Tom and Jerry" style slapstick violence to go round. A frying pan in the face usually.

Each week would see the pair of losers make some attempt to improve their lot or fill the void of their meaningless lives - and usually fail. Whether it was trying to attract "birds" down the "Lamb & Flag" by wearing a pheromone sex spray, stealing the gas supply from next door just as the gasman arrives to read the meter, the pair indulging in a chess game using some frozen prawns, a potted cactus, a bottle of ketchup and a large Spider-Man figurine, or Richie deciding that he was the reincarnation of the Virgin Mary due to some dodgy Christmas gifts, it was all side-splittingly funny.

There were also some memorable guest stars. Brian Glover was suitably menacing (yet tender) as Mr. Rottweiler next door. Helen Lederer was rich aristocrat Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellesley Obstromsky Ponsonsky Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Oblomov Boblomov Dob and of course Stephen O'Donnell and Chris Ryan apperaed several times as Eddie's best fiends Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog. But many of the episodes featured just Rik and Ade for the full half hour doing what they do best - insulting each other, and committing the most awful violent acts.

The really important thing about the series though is that if  the mutual enjoyment of "Mr Jolly Lives Next Door" had brought my much younger sister and I closer together, "Bottom" was the thing that really cemented how much we had the same sense of humour. Our parents didn't get it and our brother could take it or leave it., so this was *our* show and we were utterly fanatical about it. I bought all the VHS videos and the "Bottom Fluffs" out take compilations, Episodes such as "Smells", "Gas", "Apocalypse", Digger" and "Terror" were watched over and over again and the brilliant lines were endlessly quoted between us.

We were also lucky enough to get to see three of the live stage shows. The first tour in particular I remember being an incredibly hot evening in the theatre and Rik and Ade were constantly having to wipe themselves down (ooo-err). With the hilarious script (much ruder than the TV version) plus the constant ad-libs, mucking about and trying to put each other off I think I nearly passed out from laughing so much. The first two shows are the best in my opinion, but any chance to see the geniuses at work up close was worth it.

Even now birthday or Christmas cards between us always end with "Love from all the lads on the Ark Royal". A compliment sometimes gets an added "..and may I just say what a smashing blouse you have on?". Sometimes we just shout "Gasman!!" at each other. We spent one memorable New Years Eve texting each other trying to see who could recall the most quotes (it was a draw). I even have a mug which proclaims I am a "Sad old git". Our shared love of a daft TV programme has endured.

This show isn't just something I enjoyed watching. It hasn't just seeped into my consciousness. It's welded itself inextricably to my DNA.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Honourary mentions:

• G.B.H. - Alan Bleasdale's  political drama about the rise and fall of a militant left Labour city councilor is full of pitch black humour, farcical behaviour and rage against elitist society, but he also manages to imbue all  his characters with a complexity and depth that no matter how nasty they might be you still feel for them. Robert Lindsay is a revelation as the angry, womanising Michael Murray who wages a war against Michael Palin's special needs teacher - each of them on the verge of a nervous breakdown. As revelations about his childhood are constantly on the verge of being revealed, Murray descends into a accumulation of  tics and jerks, likely to randomly shoot his arm up in a Hitler-like salute at the oddest moments. The political edge may be blunted somewhat to modern audiences, but I remember at the time being gripped by all seven episodes. All this and part of one episode is set at a "Doctor Who" convention !

• The death of Freddie Mercury - The sad demise of the "Queen" front man was the first celebrity passing that really affected me (the other was naturally Rik Mayall). I didn't know Mr. Mercury personally of course, but his distinctive voice had been part of the soundtrack of my life for so many years and even decades later I still think about the wonderful music that we never got to hear. When it was announced that Freddie had gone and the TV channels first showed the stark black and white video for "These Are The Days Of Our Lives", I had floods of tears running down my face. The vibrant star looked so ill and he must have known that it was to be one of his final ever performances. There is a look that he gives to camera at the end as he quietly states "I still love you". It gets me ever single damn time.

• Imajica by Clive Barker - The fantasy / horror maestro's largest book, and in my opinion his best. The Earth is one of five Dominions, collectively known as the 'Imajica', overseen by the Unbeheld Hapexamendios.  However our sphere  has been cut off from the other four for thousands of years by the 'In Ovo' void. Those who practice the ancient magical arts (known as Maestros) have repeatedly tried (and failed) to reconcile Earth with the other Dominions. The last attempt two hundred years ago resulted in the death of everyone involved and led to the formation of the Tabula Rasa, a secret society tasked with preventing any further use of magic.Into this scenario are thrust a seemingly normal human man and his ex wife, her poet lover and a mysterious assassin - but this is just the tip of a an insanely huge iceberg. Calling This novel epic just doesn't do it justice, and every one of its thousand plus pages (it later had to be split into two volumes) is needed to handle the complex plot and the mind-warping concepts. Truly brilliant.

• Defending Your Life - Albert Brooks plays Daniel Miller, an advertising executive who dies in a car accident. He finds himself in the pleasant modern surroundings of 'Judgement City' where all humans must stand trial to see if they have matured enough to pass to the next phase of existence, or return to Earth for another try. During this he meets and falls in love with Julia (Meryl Streep) who has led a life of generosity and courage, while Daniel's actions have always been ruledby his own insecurities. The events of the film are full of wonderful gentle performances from the two actors, plus great support from veteran Rip Torn as Miller's defence lawyer. You wouldn't think that a young man in his twenties would like an American romantic comedy full of musings on the nature of existence and how as human beings we are all basically ruled by fear. But something in this whimsical fantasy drama touched me and it's remained a pleasant memory ever since I first saw it.

• Doctor Who: The New Adventures - I have an admission to make. I was never really into these books when they initially came out. Oh I bought the first half a dozen along with my friend Ian, but when he carried on to collect the full set, I abandoned them. My interest in "Doctor Who" had waned significantly by this point and there was just too much other non-TV-related fiction to read instead. Such was the case for over a decade. Of course when the new series arrived in 2005 I made up for it by purchasing the whole lot (at great expense sadly). "Stories too broad and too deep for the small screen" the blurb on the back covers proclaimed and yes, there are many things which even in today's progressive society RTD or Moffat could't get away with in a prime-time family show. My reading speed has ground to a crawl in recent years (I need sleep more) but I still harbour an ambition to read all the Seventh Doctor adventures in a long marathon sequence...

• Hudson Hawk - I don't care that almost no-one else seems to like this film. I love it. It's surreal, crazy, over-the-top, inventive, outlandish, often doesn't make sense and just damn good fun. It's not an action movie (which was part of the problem with the marketing). It's a crime caper cum spy film like the 1960s "Our Man Flint" but seen through a 1990s lens  - it even features James Coburn in a supporting role and *that* telephone ringing noise. Richard E. Grant is also hamming it up for all he is worth. By all accounts it was hellish to make but the pain for those involved was worth it. Bruce Willis is more like the charming, wisecracking detective from "Moonlighting" than tough-as-nails John McClane from "Die Hard", and that's all the better as far as I am concerned. I'm going to go and watch it again right *now*.

• Sega Mega Drive - This was my first games "console" - as opposed to the ZX Spectrum which was more of a home computer. For various reasons I only ever bought half a dozen or so games for it but, of course the original "Sonic The Hedgehog" was my favourite.The thought of the lava and underwater levels still gives me palpitations...

Timelord Thoughts 15 - The Pilot

For a number of long, boring reasons, my drive to produce lengthy detailed blog pieces about current Doctor Who episodes has withered away somewhat. At the moment I'd much rather write about my memories of a favourite book or TV show from 1983 than spend hours on minutiae filled check lists. Some may have noticed that I've not yet gotten round to doing anything on "The Return of Doctor Mysterio" (although I've left a gap in the post numbering just in case...) The thing is, I want to do *something* - just not the time consuming stuff of before.

So the idea now is to watch the episode whenever I can and then write a 'kind of review' and publish it within two hours of the final credits rolling. Keep it short and to the point. I'm still going to keep the sequential bullet point structure of before, mainly because I seem to struggle with forming a coherent narrative around my reviews and, well I kind of like it. Let's see how I get on...

But first some general comments.

With the new series of "Doctor Who" finally upon us, this should be a time of rejoicing and dancing in the streets. This is my favourite television show of all time after all. But sadly the reality is that I've not been this unenthusiastic about the prospect of a new run of episodes for a very, very long time. I tried to blame it on the long break between series, but we've had that before and the flame of fandom didn't waver then. I wondered if I was "burnt out" a little after the marathon of  my "800 Day Project" rewatch. Not really - I still love watching those older stories. No, when I get down to it I think that I just have never warmed to Peter Capaldi's Doctor and the thought of another year with him in the role just put me off.

I know that this flies in the face of the majority of fandom, who seem to believe he is the best thing since Tom Baker - and don't get me wrong, I think Capaldi is a solid actor in other shows. There have been a handful of excellent episodes ("Heaven Sent" being the clear standout", but that was more the concept rather than the character). It's just that as the Doctor, I don't think he works - for me at least. I can't quite put my finger on it or properly explain myself in words, but it's as if his performances to date haven't seemed "natural". It's like you can see the acting cogs working. I want to like him - I really do. I was excited when he got the role. But even at his best he has never made me adore the Twelfth Doctor.

So it's with a certain amount of trepidation that I pressed play...

Season 10 - Episode 1 - The Pilot

• I loved the cold open before the titles and Bill's first introduction in the Doctor's study. The whole conversation about the girl she fancied (despite the odd use of the word "perversion" and unfortunately making it sound as if once she was fat she was therefore undateable), was trademark Moffat - smart and snappy, but it also sounded very natural and almost RTD-like with all the stuff about chips.
• Speaking of RTD, this episode is the 2017 equivalent of "Rose" in a number of ways,  and it  apes that first episode of the new era with the repeated alarm clock and the quick cuts to Bill's day job, her home life and social activities. The lecture bit's in between though  - somehow I get the feeling that Moffat has been saving up that explanation about time and relative dimension in space for a long while - it's brilliant. I still find Capaldi's delivery very stilted though. Sigh.

• Clearly what is inside the vault, why the Doctor has been guarding it for 50 years and why the he decided to tutor Bill are going to be carried over to the rest of the series this year. The constant flick's back to the photograph of Susan must mean something too. Blatant fan-baiting of course.
• I had a small problem with the Bill and Heather dynamic because beyond basic instant attraction, I never felt there was any real connection between them. They met once in a pub and then on a bench in the university grounds and then spent a couple of minutes in a car park. Maybe there is more to come, but we also get no sense why Heather is so sad all the time. It just seemed a very loosely sketched.
• It's a beautiful moment when you realise that the Doctor has gone back in time to take all those photo's of Bill's mum as a Christmas present to her. Lovely understated music as well. Which is then spoilt as we get the bombastic usual Murray Gold nonsense as the Doctor runs to look in a puddle.
• I like Bill. A lot. For the majority of the episode she comes across as smart, funny, warm and compassionate. She makes interesting connections and figures things out. But there are parts of the episode where she is just a little but stupid - especially for someone who has supposedly seen some "Sci-Fi". Her reaction to seeing the inside of the TARDIS -  "Is this a knock through?". "This is a lift!" Okay so it's a funny joke, but it undermines her character. 
• Nardole. Listen Moff - you'd better have a bloody good plan in place to explain why he is needed in this series, because at the moment I can't see what he brings to the table beyond toilet gags and funny noises. The few quips he is given could just as easily have come from Bill. Maybe I'll be in luck and his bolts will keep falling out until he's nothing but a pile of components and a bald head.
• Excepting the TARDIS, the Terminator T-1000 puddle seems like the most powerful spaceship in the universe as once it has a pilot in Heather it can travel anywhere in time and space. Shouldn't that make the Doctor even just a tiny bit curious?
• Nice to see the Movellans back even if it's just for a moment. I guess that's also the contractual season appearance of the Daleks out of the way too. Maybe when the series is released on DVD they will add in the "Friend from the Future" teaser sequence of a few months ago back into the actual episode at this point. I could have done with more of this and less larking about in Australia, but I get that it's meant to be an exponential introduction for Bill as to where the TARDIS can go.
• With a B plot this thin the solution to the spaceship-Heather problem was never going to be the most brilliant ever devised but it kind of works. I'm hoping it's not the last we have seen of the character though as I really like the actress, Stephanie Hyam.
• The mind-wipe sequence and the reason the Doctor doesn't do it is obviously a reference back to what happened between him and Clara at the end of last series. But please god don't let that mean that particular storyline is not over. Clara is gone. Leave it that way.
• Who did the Doctor make a promise to? About what? And why? All interesting questions.Let's hope there are interesting answers. I don't want another "Hybrid" disappointment.

So overall I really enjoyed that even if the first, more domestic half was better than the latter. It's probably the second most confident introduction for a companion (the title still goes to "The Eleventh Hour") and there was an awful lot crammed into 49 minutes, even if the "alien of the week" plot was slight. 

A soft reboot of the series, a few new mysteries. Solid stuff. As for Capaldi? Well he's clearly softened the performance and has made his Doctor friendlier and more relatable (we've come a long way since "She cares so I don't have to"). It's a promising start and maybe, just maybe he'll start to win me over more during the next eleven weeks. 

But it's okay if he doesn't. Not every incarnation can be your favourite and in any case - a new one will be along soon. Just as long as it's not Kris bloody Marshall...

The Doctor Who Show Reviews - Episode 13 (TARDIS Library 7)

Another whirlwind round of reviews from the weird and wonderful world of Doctor Who. Try say that three times fast! This is the text version of the podcast reviews I recorded for the "Doctor Who Show - TARDIS Library" episode released on 12th February 2017.

This time is going to be slightly different  - I'm playing catch-up with my Twelfth Doctor comic reviews, so I'll be covering issues 12 *and* 13 of the latest Year Two series. Don't worry, it will still be my usual in depth look, just two for the price of one. Plus I'm also branching out to take a listen to a series of audio stories concerning that secret organisation that's outside the government and beyond the police. Yes it's "Torchwood". But first - comics !

Twelfth Doctor  # 2.12

"Terror of the Cabinet Noir" Part 2. Writer Robbie Morrison. Artist: Mariano Laclaustra

We ended part one with the Doctor in 1695 in the company of the gutsy Julie D'Aubigny and narrowly escaping the grip of the sadistic Captain Verlock, who seemingly cannot die and appears to have some kind of moving blackness leaking from his eye sockets. Verlock is in turn employed by his eminence Cardinal Richelieu - whom the web of time says should have died 50 years ago. It's clear when Verlock reluctantly reports the Doctors escape back to the Cardinal that both men know far more than they should, since they talk of extraterrestrial technology, teleporters and DNA traces. Furious, the Cardinal sets his tame gargoyle creatures off to track down the pair of fugitives.

Meanwhile in the TARDIS, the Doctor analyses the black liquid left on Julie's sword from when she stabbed Verlock and identifies it as sentient dark matter fused with human genetic material. Wanting to find out more, he materialises the ship inside the 'Bibliotheque Mazarine' - Paris's foremost library. Confronted by the curator, who brandishes a large gun, the Doctor uses the psychic paper to convince him that they are really an angelic visitation from God and the frightened man begins to spill all he knows about the rise of Richelieu.

Via another flashback in the same scratchy sepia style as we had last issue, the Doctor and the reader learns that the zealous Cardinal created an infallible intelligence network - the Cabinet Noir - to intercept any correspondence that he deemed suspicious. All alchemical documents were housed in a secret "Black Library", never to be used - that is, until Richelieu decided to forestall his own imminent death and began to experiment with "necromancy". Opening a portal to a hellish dimension, he welcomed it's occupants into our world and since then has secretly ruled Paris with a cruel hand while not ageing a day, all the while waiting for his ultimate victory.

Just as he hands the Doctor the keys to the Black Library, the curator is killed by the arriving gargoyles. Julie D'Aubigny's  taunts goad them to attack and a frantic battle ensues. It is only when Julie uses the curators gun to blast the head off one of the monsters that they are revealed as robotic automatons. Automatons that can breath fire !

Dodging the bolts of flame, the Doctor discovers the door to the Black Library and drags Julie inside. Searching through astrological charts, he finds something important, but suddenly the gargoyles are back in force. In retaliation he uses the power of the sonic screwdriver to augment Julie's powerful opera singing voice, and the resulting shockwave shatters the creatures into pieces. As the Bibliotheque Mazarine is engulfed in flames, the pair escape back to the TARDIS. Those charts revealed that in two days time there will be a solar eclipse, plunging everything into shadow. That's when The Darkness will ,ale its move.

We then cut to the Palace of Versailles, where King Louis XIV is busy playing outdoor chess. Bursting in, the Doctor and Julie try to warn him that Richelieu is an "agent of a foreign power" with plans to seize control of France. The imminent 'Celebration of the Sun King' needs to be cancelled. Suddenly the King's eyes start to bleed blackness and a portal opens behind him containing Verlock, Richelieu and a host of tentacled, bug-eyed monstrosities. The Darkness has anticipated everything...

An action packed and revelatory issue then, with a cliffhanger that would have been difficult to predict. Time is seriously out of joint and although (I assume) there is going to have to be a kind of reset in the final part, I hope it's not at the expense of the storyline. We had quite enough of that with "Supremacy of the Cybermen".

I have to say I really enjoyed how the story flowed from scene to scene and the way the flashback was integrated. Robbie Morrison has written enough comics by now to know how to pace these things properly. Good Doctor Who also takes real history and tweaks it slightly and this is no exception. There really was a 'Cabinet Noir' where the letters of suspected persons were opened by officials before being sent on to their final destination - although it was not until Louis XIV successor that a separate office was created. Even Napoleon used it on occasions.

For once there was actually a decent use of the screwdriver as a sonic device. Far better to have it as an amplifier of sound rather than a magic wand that can do almost anything the user can imagine. I also liked the growing interplay between the Doctor and Julie D'Aubigny. He likes her far more that he lets on.  If I have one small niggle with this issue, it's that it was a shame the 'gargoyles' turned out to by robots. It would have been more in keeping with the Cthulhu 'monsters from another dimension'  feel if they had been...shape-changers for example.

Art and colour-wise it's more of the quality we've come to expect from Mariano and his team. I particularly liked the blank squiggles around the panel borders of the flashback to signify the presence of the darkness and how it's influence grew. The one odd illustration was a full page near the end as the Doctor and Julie race for the TARDIS through the burning library. The drawings are fine - it's the colours which seem totally different from the rest of the book. Normally there is this soft, almost translucent quality, but for this page the brightness seems to have been turned right up. I'm not sure if it is a printing error or the result of tight deadlines, but it does look somewhat out of place.

All in all, everything is set for an exciting conclusion in part three - which I'll take a look at in just a moment. But first, it's time for "Torchwood".

Last year the good folk at BBC Audio released a whole plethora of new audio material. There were also compilations of previously published stuff under the "Tales" banner. Alongside box sets for the Tenth and Eleventh Doctors, we also have "Torchwood Tales" - a collection of all the audio-exclusive dramas that came out between 2008 and 2012 (before Big Finish got the licence).  It's ten separate stories across multiple CD's - over eighteen hours of adventures featuring the vocal talents of the stars of the BBC television series.

I was lucky enough to get a review copy of this box set as an early Christmas present from BBC Audio, and over the next few months I hope to listen to all of the CD''s and give you my thoughts on how they turn out. Although I'm familiar with and have enjoyed many of the the "Doctor Who" audio-only stories from Big Finish and others, I've not heard any "Torchwood" ones before - so it will be an interesting to see how they compare.

I'll be honest, I watched the first series of "Torchwood" on television out of a sense of loyalty to the parent show and because I had originally enjoyed the character of Captain Jack Harkness. However after the initial excitement of  having a brand new spin-off of Doctor Who wore off, like many people  I struggled with the immensely smug and unlikeable characters, the at times appalling dialogue, the incompetent acting,  the mis-judged plots -  I could go on. Oh there were brighter points amongst the mediocre shlock of those first twelve episodes  -"Countrycide" was disturbingly nasty and "Random Shoes" was gentle and heartfelt. But beware Mr Chibnall - no matter how good you turn out to be as a show-runner on "Doctor Who", fandom will *never* forgive you for "Cyberwoman"!

Of course "Torchwood" did pick up slightly with season two and then amazingly turned into must-see TV for "Children of Earth", before taking the quickest nosedive in history with the overlong and frankly dull "Miracle Day". So I'll be honest, it was with some trepidation that I cracked open the case of "Torchwood Tales" and took out the first CD. Were these stories going to be season one bad or season three brilliant? Let's find out...

Torchwood - Hidden. Written by Steven Saville. Read by Naoko Mori

I've only come across Steven Saville's name before in connection with a couple of novels about the 2000 AD character 'Slaine', but looking at his bio he has written quite a lot - including books in the 'Warhammer' universe and various TV tie in stories.

The first thing to say is that this is not an audio play, it's an audio novel - a reading of a short story, complete with chapter breaks. After listening to so many Big Finish full-cast drama's, it took a bit of adjustment, as I don't really listen to audio versions of books, preferring the personal experience of hearing and imagining the characters in my own mind.

So anyway, what's the plot? Well the apparent murder of a mysterious scientist and philanthropist leads to Captain Jack Harkness being arrested and facing a plethora of difficult questions. The rest of the team are on their own trying to work out where he is and why a number of other seemingly unconnected people are also being killed. Plus how does this all tie to a fertility clinic, a seventeenth century alchemist looking for the secret of eternal life and a Templar-like secret society looking to silence anyone who gets in their way?

If at this point you are thinking "that sounds more 'Da Vinci Code' than Torchwood'" - you'd be right - and much like Dan Brown's novels, this story features small bursts of action interspersed between huge amounts of leaden historical exposition. The only real action highlights (and I use that term loosely) are a car chase sequence in which Ianto drives like a maniac and gets himself seriously injured and a "tense" scene in the clinic as Gwen and Owen try to avoid a couple of gun-wielding assassins.

Captain Jack is absent for most of the action as we cut back and forth to him in the police interrogation room and he makes a few quips before vanishing off stage again. The rest of the time it's business as usual with the rest of the season one team - with Owen being particularly unpleasant as usual. Ianto is the one that probably comes off best out of this.

The problem is that it's all so...flat. It meanders along, never really rising above mediocre. The team runs around a bit, look into a few things (the details of which I can't even remember) and then it all just gets muddled and fizzles out at the end. Had I dozed off? I found myself skipping back a couple of tracks just in case I'd missed an important climactic revelation. Nope. That's all there is. There's not even a real central villain - or I didn't notice one. The secret society guys are little more than hired thugs. Even Dan Brown had a few interesting characters.

It's not helped by an equally pedestrian reading from Naoko Mori. She does her best with a dodgy American accent for Jack and tries gamely to inject a modicum of excitement into the few action sequences but generally she sounds about as excited with the story as if she was reading a dictionary. I'm not surprised really when it's all either historically dry or modern day dull.

Not a great start then. But hope prevails, so...let's do another one.

Torchwood - Everyone Says Hello. Written by Dan Abnett. Read by Burn Gorman

Abnett I'm very familiar with from his vast body of work for 2000 AD, where he created "Sinister Dexter", from DC where he did an excellent run on the "Legion of Superheroes" with co-writer Andy Lanning (and is now winning a lot of plaudits for the 'Rebirth' series of "Aquaman") and from Marvel where the writing pair revitalised the cosmic side of that universe in a way that I don't think has been equalled since. He's also a prolific novelist, particularly in the 'Warhammer 40K' sandbox. I'm not a real lover of those books but I have read a few, and I do have to say that "Necropolis" in his 'Gaunt's Ghosts' series is one of the most intense and enjoyable future war novels I have ever read.

The title of the story gives you the core idea. One morning random people start saying "Hello" to complete strangers -  including Owen Harper - and revealing lots of personal details about their lives - likes, dislikes, secrets, private desires -  you get the idea. At the same time the team in the Torchwood Hub detect a powerful psychokinetic energy field that came through the Cardiff rift. As more and more people just stand around saying "Hello" and divulging their darkest secrets, normal life grinds to a halt. Fires break out. Cars crash. Those few that are unaffected by the phenomena start to be attacked by the rest - who become known as "greeters"  - and the city descends into mayhem.

Inside a garage on a disused lot, a strange light is pulsing and summoning some of the "greeters" into it's presence. They are to be 'Heralds' who will act as knowledge conduits between the light and mankind. But first. Torchwood must be disposed of...

So what did I think? Well I was right to trust Mr Abnett. This is more like it! Dan knows how to write interesting characters and much of the early running time is devoted to lots of little scenes with supposedly insignificant people. Little vignettes or slices of life that paint a lovely detailed portrait of the person as they are either affected by or confronted with this strange situation. As these scenes progress we start to meet a few of the major supporting characters, or come back to earlier ones that start to take on more significance. Take ex-convict Vic Royce for example. You start off thinking that he's just a random brutish taxi driver that is exposed to one of the "greeters", but then things take a left turn and he becomes very important to the plot.

The Torchwood main cast also come off really well under Abnett's pen...well apart from Tosh but then she's so bland I don't think even Alan Moore could turn her into a interesting character. Jack gets a lot more airtime in this one and we get inside his head a little too. As things progress, Jack is really at risk of being subsumed into the ranks of the "greeters" and there is a definite zombie-movie feel to things as the supposedly pleasant people turn nasty and start hounding our heroes with crude weapons. Never has such a simple single word sounded so frightening.

A big part of the success of this audio is the reading from Burn Gorman. Now I'm not one of his biggest fans, but with this he reveals that his portrayal of Owen Harper was probably hampered by poor choices by RTD and Chibnall when they created his character. Gorman really gets stuck into the story, adding dynamism and variety to all the various roles. His Welsh accents are excellent and it must be very difficult to come up with a hundred different ways to say "Hello", but he manages it and sounds like he is really enjoying telling the story.

Some might think that the ending comes a bit quick but I don't think it's out of step with the rest of the adventure. This is less about Torchwood and more about the little people that get caught up in the wake of big alien events - and I really liked that focus. I thoroughly enjoyed the two CDs and I'll make an effort to seek out any other Torchwood stories by Dan Abnett and hope that they are as good as this one.

More "Torchwood" next month hopefully. Now it's time to go back to our Doctor Who comics story in progress...

Twelfth Doctor  # 2.13

"Terror of the Cabinet Noir" Part 3. Writer Robbie Morrison. Artist: Mariano Laclaustra

Before the break we found out that King Louis XIV is in thrall to the other-dimensional menace known as "The Darkness" - hopefully nothing to do with the awful rock band from Suffolk. Let's see how the Doctor gets out of this one...

One point of note. Our colourist has changed for this issue to Hernan Cabrera. Is he Carlos's evil twin brother from an alternative dimension? Who knows.

So the Doctor taunts Richleau that all this 'darkness' and 'horror' stuff  doesn't frighten a Time Lord, but he just gloats about how the dark matter creatures have seen our light-infused universe and decided that we don't deserve it. When the dying Cardinal meddled with forces he didn't understand, he created a bridge that let them in, and now as the total eclipse of the sun begins, they will eradicate all life.

Seized by the black tendrils, the Doctor is thankfully saved by the blade of a certain swords-woman and he returns the favour with a repeat of the sonic amplifier trick which disorientates the possessed humans, enabling he and Julie to escape into the gardens of Versailles. Ducking musket shots, they dash into the King's maze where the TARDIS is hidden. Unfortunately they become separated and Julie is confronted by a cackling Captain Verlock, whisps of pitch black coiling from every orifice. The Doctor has vanished...

Sometime later in the Bastille Prison in Paris, we find Julie locked in a cell awaiting the call to be executed. The celebration of the 'Sun King' is in full swing and everyone is too busy having fun to pay attention to the actual orb in the sky. Led to the chopping block, Julie prepares to meet her fate, only to notice that the executioner is really the Doctor in disguise and he cuts her chains, just as the moon starts to cover the sun and Cardinal Richelieu appears wielding arcane energies like something out of a "Doctor Strange" comic.

Our favourite Timelord has a few tricks of his own up his sleeve though and he hands Julie an energy sword left on the TARDIS by a "swashbuckling captain I once knew" (I wonder who that could be ?).  As the total eclipse reaches its zenith, hideous Lovecraftian creatures erupt amongst the revelling crowds and begin to consume them.

Racing inside Notre Dame cathedral, the Doctor confronts his enemies in front of a swirling eddy, but the coils of dark matter knock the sonic screwdriver out of his grasp. Throwing her energy sword, Julie gives the Doctor just one chance to get the sonic back before she herself is captured by The Darkness.

It turns out the Doctor had been busy during her incarceration. The press of a control sets the TARDIS off through space and it creates a vortex, allowing the filtered light of the 'Saberhagen Quasar' - the brightest star in the universe - to shine down on Earth, counteracting the effects of the eclipse and dispelling the dark shadows.

Unable to resist the power of the light, The Darkness creatures dissolve. Verlock disintegrates and Cardinal Richelieu finds that time has at last caught up with him as he ages to death in an instant. Thankfully Julie and King Louis XIV were not transformed by The Darkness, only controlled, so they return to normal. It's over.

Julie decides that she will allow the Doctor to take her on a trip in the TARDIS, with him operating as her "butler", but he's really not sure. There's only one way to decide this - sword fight !!

So, in the end, to my surprise, time wasn't reversed (at least not in this story). Richelieu did live an extra fifty years and basically rule Paris. I guess the web of time has a way of absorbing these kind of minor anomalies and reasserting the proper flow of events afterwards. As to the Doctor's solution to the problem of the dark matter invasion, it might seem at first glance to be something he's pulled out of a hat, but he's a time-traveller - it could have taken days or even weeks for him to figure out what to do and then a quick hop back in the TARDIS brings him back just in time to replace the axe-man and save everyone. That's my theory anyway.

Criticisms? Well, It was a little disappointing to see the 'sonic screwdriver amplifying a singing voice' trick used twice is two consecutive issues. Also the scene where the Doctor and Julie are escaping from Versailles and end up looking for the TARDIS in the maze seemed a little odd. The Doctor appeared to have forgotten where he parked the old girl only a few minutes ago! Lastly, apart from allowing the Doctor to conduct a last minute rescue to further the plot, I'm not quite sure why Verlock put Julie in the Bastille instead of  immediately having her absorbed by The Darkness.

I really do like Julie D'Aubigny as a companion. She's kind of a 17th Century Leela crossed with Donna Noble - violent and feisty but with less Janus thorns and more boozing  - and a refreshing change from the simpering female companions that just think the Doctor is wonderful. I hope she sticks around.

The artwork for this final part is still generally excellent. Mariano's black tendrils wind across many pages, and he definitely draws nasty looking monsters from before the dawn of time. There are a few facial expression that are a little off, but I'm nit-picking. It's the change in colourist to Mirror Universe Cabrera where there is a noticeable difference. Maybe it is the same person and they have just changed their style or their software, but I just don't like the overall effect as much as previous issues by this team. It seems,...less three dimensional somehow.

These are all small points though in what has been a hugely enjoyable three issue romp. It's probably one of the best overall stories in this Year Two run.

Right - that's been far too much of me for one session. Time to go. I'll leave you with a quote from a the late great John Hurt who once said about his lack of belief in an afterlife: "I hope I shall have the courage to say, 'Vroom! Here we go! Let's become different molecules!" More next time.

The Doctor Who Show Reviews - Episode 12 (TARDIS Library 5)

Happy New Year one and all!

This is the text version of the podcast review I recorded for the "Doctor Who Show - TARDIS Library" episode released on 1st January 2017. The numbering sequences are mixed up a bit now as Rob is releasing content throughout the month, not all of which I am part of. That's fine, so I am just going to have the sub-numbering refer to the episode I'm actually on in future. Clear as mud.

As we move forward in 2017 I hope to expand the scope of this slot beyond just the Titan comics. I'll be listening to some "Torchwood" audios, maybe reading a smattering of old novel releases and perhaps there might even be a surprise or two. Let's see what comes up. For now, let's start this first episode of the new year with a look at the continuing adventures of the Twelfth Doctor. I'm slightly behind with the releases but hopefully I'll catch up soon.

Twelfth Doctor  # 2.11

"Terror of the Cabinet Noir" Part 1. Writer Robbie Morrison. Artist: Mariano Laclaustra

We're back in Earth history for this story - specifically Paris in 1695 during the reign of King Louis XIV. Inside the candle lit Cathedral of Notre Dame, a French nobleman meets with the infamous Cardinal Richelieu. Attempting to protect himself with armed henchmen proves to be of no use as they are swiftly disposed of by shadowy creatures hiding in the cathedral roof - their bones picked clean in mere moments. Agreeing to enter the confessional box and reveal his sins, the nobleman soon learns that the Cardinal is less than human as dark tendrils consume him...

It's an effective cold open worthy of the TV series. You can easily imagine the theme tune crashing in as the victims screams echo through the vastness of Notre Dame. But if you thought this is where the Doctor comes in, you would be wrong. We are then treated to a first person narrative - a brief four page history of the real life Julie D'Aubigny, known as Mademoiselle La Maupin. A notorious swords-woman, brigand, murderer and fugitive from justice, she has only been conditionally granted a pardon from the King because of her excellent singing voice. Now the flame-haired songstress performs at the Paris Opera, drinking her way through her mentor's champagne supply and trying (and failing) to stay out of trouble.

Having disposed of one of her loudest critics with a swift boot to the unmentionables, she turns on another who resolutely stayed sitting during the curtain calls - a white haired gentlemen in a red velvet jacket. Yes it's the Doctor putting in an appearance at last. It turns out he's no fan of opera (as if all the previous stuff with electric guitars and punk rock concerts hadn't clued you in). Taking drunken offence, La Maupin challenges the Doctor to an instant duel and before you know it there is the clash of steel blades and the pair are trading blows and witty barbs across the courtyard.

The fight is suddenly interrupted as a crude small bomb is thrown into the arena and everyone dives for cover. The culprit is the sinister looking Captain Verlock, head of the Red Guard - who rule the streets of Paris with an iron fist. Duelling is forbidden in Paris - Mademoiselle La Maupin's life is forfeit and the Doctor is apparently wanted for questioning. Refusing to submit, the feisty singer attacks the Captain, driving him backwards and eventually piercing his chest with her sword. But Verlock just laughs and as his eyes bleed blackness, he shouts that the 'darkness' will consume them all.

Thankfully a blast from the trusty sonic screwdriver causes the soldiers enough pain for the Doctor and his new friend to escape the Red Guard and slip into the maze of alleyways -  although the men are in hot pursuit. Thinking he has the duo trapped, Verlock is stunned to find they have vanished into thin air. Of course it's obvious they really just dematerialised in the TARDIS. Having already seen a man pierced through the heart and carry on living, La Maupin takes the wonder of the TARDIS in her stride. It's the Doctor who is more astonished when she reveals that the Red Guard work for Cardinal Richelieu - a man whom the history books say should have died fifty years ago...

So it's a measured, background-heavy introduction to this new historical-based storyline, with the action only really ramping up in the last third - funnily enough when the Doctor appears on the scene. Paris is of course a city that The Doctor has been to many times, perhaps most memorably in the Fourth Doctor story "City of Death" - though I don't recall him ever having visited this particular era before.

Although this story is set somewhat later, it has a real feel of those classic tales of the Three Musketeers, which I have always loved since I read the original book by Alexander Dumas when I was young - plus of course I adored the wonderful Richard Lester movies from the  mid-1970s starring Oliver Reed, Michael York and Richard Chamberlain plus a host of other famous faces. The whole swashbuckling genre with the heroes defending the downtrodden, saving the day and rescuing the damsel in distress is very appealing and I am surprised Doctor Who hasn't attempted something like this before now (well outside Big Finish audio plays anyway).

It's always a fun idea when the Doctor meets historical figures, and although I have heard of La Maupin, I'm not that familiar with her. For those who want to know more, there is a nice essay at the back of the issue about the real person behind the comics character. I think she is going to be an interesting contrast to the Doctor and he is going to struggle to rein in her hot temper (and possibly her drinking habits).

If I have once criticism, it's that her introduction is a bit info-dumpy - devoting a full four pages seems a little excessive and I wish there was a way that it could have been broken up more without interrupting the flow of the story. Having said that, I guess we did need to know why this opera singer is so good with a sword, so perhaps it was the most pragmatic choice to get all that personal history  out of the way up front. On the positive side, the art used for these flashback scenes is just wonderful  - a scratchy, slightly out of focus style all in sepia tones with just the bright red of the young Julie D'Aubigny's hair in contrast.

That brings me neatly on to the art for the rest of the issue and as expected Mariano Laclaustra doesn't disappoint. There's only one splash page at the very start, so he packs a lot of panels into the comic -  and baring one or two places during the Doctor's initial confrontation with Mademoiselle La Maupin they are panels filled with detail - which addresses some of my concerns from a few months back. Mariano has obviously done some research and although I can't comment on the exact historical accuracy, the costumes and weapons certainly invoke the feel of the period. It's the little things that appeal to me - the fretwork on the confessional box, the varied ornate hilts on the swords offered to the Doctor, the etchings on Captain Verlock's metal epaulettes. Just lovely. The figure work is equally impressive with Mariano starting to rival Rachael Stott with the number of expressive faces and poses he displays for the Doctor.

Particular mention needs to be made this month about the colours from Carlos Cabrera. What I liked the most was actually the lighting effects - the hazy glow of the candles in Notre Dame, the dazzle of the stage in the opera House and the moonlit alleyways of Paris. It takes real skill and certainly adds to the mood of the story. The best element is right near the end as the Doctor and his companion are pursued through the streets by the Red Guard. As they escape in the TARDIS, we don't see a dematerialisation, or a "Vworp Vworp" sound effect - just a subtle electric blue glow reflecting on the walls. Very clever.

All in all it's an excellent first part, with the feel of the modern TV series, an intriguing villain and a mystery to solve. What more do you want from a Doctor Who comic? Bring on part two !

--------------------

Supremacy of the Cybermen # 4 - 5

Writers: George Mann & Cavan Scott. Artists: Ivan Rodriguez & Walter Geovanni (& others)

Moving on to the second review of the month and it's an overview of the concluding two parts of this years Titan "event "series.

We left off after issue three with the four new series Doctor's fighting the Cybermen on multiple fronts throughout history  - and with the help of another old foe it appears that time is being rewritten. Nine has lost Rose to Cyberisation in 2006, Ten is facing Cyber-Kings alongside a Sontaran fleet. Eleven is trapped on Prehistoric Earth battling converted Silurians and Twelve? He's on Gallifrey with the Cyber-leader and a returning Rassilon and he's not going to win this time. The Cybermen are going to reshape the universe  - permanently.

I really quite enjoyed the first three parts.I was excited that George Mann and his co-writer could deliver something great - an original roller-coaster ride that was strong on plot and deserving of the title "event". Sadly, instead, Mr Mann continues his long run of  valiant failures. Once again it's "nice idea, interesting execution  - shame about the ending". We don't even get the four Doctors meeting. I knew I shouldn't have got my hopes up.          

I mentioned in my review of parts one to three that the writers were having fun with the lore of the series (particularly since 2005) and spinning things off in new and interesting directions. The problem is, they've also taken the worst bombastic elements of the series as well, which means that the climax is a big ball of timey-wimey nonsense which steals from pretty much every season finale to date. You want a Doctor using the heart of the TARDIS? Check, A Doctor shouting wildly at nothing? Check. An enemy destroying reality and rebuilding it in their own image? Double check. A Doctor resetting time with the power of the Timelords and just his thoughts? Check, check and (sigh) triple check.

When you paint yourself into a corner and alter history so much, the reader *knows* that the only way out is that big old reset button. At least when Donna saved the universe from the Daleks she lost all the memories of her travels with the Doctor. With this there's no real sense of peril. No consequences. No repercussions. We just don't care.

There are some positives. The Tenth Doctor's companions Gaby and Cindy actually get to do something in issue four. There is some nice interplay between Nine and Jackie Tyler. Eleven's dialogue does sound like Matt Smith could deliver it. There's a cameo from a couple of other incarnations. Small moments.

With the art, well...the actor's likenesses continue to be a bit of a problem but they just about get away with it - although the less said about Rassilon the better. Part of the problem may be the multiple inkers, which means there is a lack of consistency. There's also a bit of a Neal Adams thing going on in places with gurning faces and huge hands reaching out of the panels. The apocalyptic scenarios do at least allow the artists to indulge in a bit of over-the top-destruction with a huge Cyber-King foot crushing some poor Sontaran clone troopers. The page design is also worth mentioning. I always like a bit of overlapping panel work.

Last time I also talked about the lurid colours from Nicola Righi and she continues in the same vein in these concluding issues. You certainly can't accuse her of not using the full paintbox. Perhaps she is a little keen on the blue energy crackle effect and that obscures certain elements of the artwork, but generally I think she comes out of the five issues having developed a distinct style.

In the end then it's an interesting series let down by what turned out to be a familiar plot and an obvious over-the-top resolution. Not all big events have to be about the destruction of the universe you know.

That's all for now. More next time , Which might be sooner than you think...

Remember...the Force will be with you...always. Rest in peace, Carrie.

The Doctor Who Show Reviews - Episode 11 (TARDIS Library 3)

Time to take a look at some more Doctor Who comics. This is the text version of the podcast review I recorded for the episode released at the end of November 2016. Apologies but it's going to be a short one this month with just a single title to look at. The intention is to catch up on the final two parts of "Supremacy of the Cybermen" in time for December.

Moving right along then, let's take a look at the most release in Year Two of the adventures of the Twelfth Doctor. Skip straight to my comments at the end if you don't want to know certain aspects of the story, as there will be spoilers from this point on.

Twelfth Doctor  # 2.10

"Playing House" Part 2. Writer George Mann. Artist: Rachael Stott

So in the previous issue, the Doctor and new companion Hattie found themselves in the windswept English countryside thanks to the TARDIS. Investigating an innocent-looking house they instead discovered that it was anything but normal. Trapped in a labyrinth of endless corridors and seemingly infinite rooms, the pair not only encountered distressed mum Holly, who had lost her entire family to the mysterious mansion, but also the ghost-like Spyrillites - temporal scavengers who feed on vortex energy. Following them to the heart of the structure, the Doctor uncovered the chilling reality - the house is really another TARDIS, and something is *very* wrong...

As this new issue opens we see the Spyrillites gorging themselves on the white globes of energy hanging from the Architecural Reconfiguration System - that giant tree-like machine we last saw in "Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS". The Doctor interrogates Holly about her activities before she entered the house and everything went crazy, and deduces that she accidentally brought home the shell of a TARDIS disguised as an everyday object. Unfortunately this TARDIS is dying - leaking Artron energy everywhere and losing control of its internal dimensions. Instead of collapsing in on itself, the time ship has merged with the family home and is expanding exponentially. The immeasurable number of rooms will continue to spill out across the Earth until the planet implodes under the strain.

That all means nothing to Holly - she just wants to find her children. The Doctor tries to calm her down by saying that this TARDIS has them safe and will lead them to their location. Hattie figures out that means the cellar - that's what all those physic projections of running children in part one were for - but the way is locked and the countdown clock has chimed seven. Time is running out. Wooden doors are no match for an angry mother though and Holly kicks her way through to a maze of twisting stairways which eventually lead to a tearful reunion with her family.

Chatting to the two children, the Doctor learns that they know the way to the TARDIS console room (or "the new kitchen" as they call it). Following the kids through a dizzying array of ever more bizarre locations, everyone finally arrives in the vast control room as the clock chimes three - but a number of very corporeal looking Spyrillites are already there. While Hattie, Holly and her husband grapple hand-to-hand with the monsters, the Doctor attempts to reconfigure the TARDIS controls. As the battle appears to be lost, Hattie remembers the hugely signposted plot point from last issue and forces the Spyrillites back by throwing salt at them.

Thankfully the Doctor manages to reset the malfunctioning TARDIS long enough to separate it from the house and bring everything back to normal. The Spyrillites are gone and Holly's family are safe at last. Saying their goodbyes, the Doctor and Hattie rematerialise in space to see the poor lost TARDIS finally explode at the heart of a star. There is time for one last guitar jam session before Hattie is taken back to her home on The Twist. It appears it really was just one trip in time and space...

Okay...  So it might seem that for a change I've skimmed lightly over the plot in this issue, but here's the first problem - I really haven't - that's pretty much all there is. Don't get me wrong, there are some interesting pieces for Rachael Stott to work her artistic magic on - and I'll come back to those later - but in story terms it's pretty weak and seems very rushed. Once again George Mann has let me down with his conclusion. I should know better by now.

Let's look at things in a bit more detail. Firstly there was no real sense of clear peril here. Yes the TARDIS was expanding and the clock was counting down - but to what? What exactly would have happened if it had reached zero? Supposedly the Earth was in peril from the ever-expanding TARDIS but would it have exploded suddenly as the clock struck it's final chime? It's all a bit muddled.

Secondly, to resolve the whole situation the Doctor has to do little more than punch a few buttons. Come on, when you've got the incalculable inconstant playground of the TARDIS to work with, surely there's a chance to come up with something more...original? You know...make something up? Add something new to our knowledge about how TARDIS's work?

Thirdly, whose ship was it anyway and why was it abandoned? Maybe the series writers are going to address this further down the line, but a throwaway question from the Doctor wouldn't have hurt to set things up. I'm also surprised that the Doctor just chose to destroy the malfunctioning TARDIS instead of investigating things further.

Finally the Spyrillites turned out to be completely ineffectual, scared off by a little salt which was conveniently available. Er.. and why did the console room develop into a second kitchen exactly? I know it merged with the families house somehow but it's a bit of a stretch. Surely I can't be the only one who is asking these kind of questions?

As far as the characters are concerned, the Doctor is his usual mercurial self and I have no problem with how he is portrayed, but Hattie walks off stage after having had zero chance at development  - beyond repeatedly saying "Doctor, you make no sense". There is a hint that her story may not be completely over, but to be honest I've no great desire to see her again. On the positive side there is a nice undercurrent theme of how a mother's love for her family can drive her to overcome huge obstacles and Holly does come across as very strong willed.

Though I might be disappointed with the script, it's the complete opposite with the pictures. I raved about Rachael Stott's artwork last month and it's more superlatives this time. As I hoped, she makes the most of the setting to develop unusual panel designs and page layouts and produce some simply beautiful images. I defy anyone not to be impressed by the depiction of the giant console room with its mass of walkways rising from a pit of bizarre looking machinery worthy of Jack Kirby himself. You want variation in your TARDIS rooms? Rachael gives it to you in spades, with one simply stunning widescreen illustration showing a village street, crystal caves, a rose garden, a parade of shops and even a submarine. It's wonderful.

The Doctor is even more energetic than last issue. He constantly looks to be on the move, dashing from one place to the next, his body as active as his brain. If I have to pick one favourite image, it has to be the full page shot as he explains how the dying TARDIS is expanding - one hand on his hip and the other raised in the air, his eyes vibrant under those attack eyebrows. Conversely if I have one tiny criticism it's that the portrayal of Hattie seems a little inconsistent at times -  but it's a minor flaw in an otherwise marvellous tapestry. I'm starting to wonder if Rachael might have her own Doctor Who story to tell someday, and what wonders she might produce as both writer and artist.

So the scores on the doors are probably 4 our of 10 with a must try harder for the story and an 8 out of 10 for the artwork. An interesting read let down by yet another too-swift resolution.

A quick glance at the variant covers reveals some fine penmanship from Mike Collins and Warren Pleece, but star billing goes to Mariano Laclaustra and his interpretation of Escher's famous "Hand With Reflecting Sphere". Mariano is back on interior art duties next time along with returning writer Robbie Morrison and apparently a new comics companion. Of course I'll be taking a look at that issue in next month's review.

Right I'm off. Don't forget about the audio version on the "TARDIS Library" podcast which you can listen to it at www.dwshow.net or download it to your mobile device via the usual iOS or Android apps. Please subscribe, share and support all the effort from my fellow presenters across all the shows we produce.

You can follow The Doctor Who Show on Twitter at @the DWshow or on Facebook at facebook.com/theDWshow. Finally the e-mail address is hello@the DWshow.net

If you have any specific comments about the blog, I'm always happy to chat on Twitter @livewire1221

Enjoy reading  and remember - the owls are not what they seem...

The Doctor Who Show Reviews - Episode 10 (TARDIS Library 2)

Welcome back to the Doctor Who Show "TARDIS Library". This is the text version of the podcast reviews I recorded for the episode released at the end of October 2016. One small point of note before I move on - as the fiction review segment of the podcast is now it's own separate thing each month, I've decided to start showing that sub-numbering in the title header so things tally up. Just in case anyone wondered. Or not.

Anyway, as usual I'm going to be looking at a pair of comics from Titan's line of Doctor Who titles, so let's crack on. Spoiler shields at the ready...

Fourth Doctor mini-series #5 (of 5):

 "Gaze of the Medusa" Part 5. Writers: Gordon Rennie & Emma Beeby. Artist: Brian Williamson

I last looked at this series way back in August 2016, so it's worth a quick recap of the key events of the previous four issues:

The Doctor and Sarah Jane had travelled to Victorian London. While walking in the foggy streets, they encountered strange giant cyclops creatures and Sarah Jane was captured while the Doctor was rescued by amateur "Chonologist" Professor Odysseus James and his daughter Athena. Sarah Jane was brought before the mysteriously veiled Lady Frances Carstairs who showed her a number of modern looking statues, including - scarily -  one of Sarah Jane herself !

Via her late husbands archaeological digs, Lady Frances had obtained the "Lamp of Chronos", a device which opened a portal into a different era. However she apparently encountered something nasty lurking in that past time period that was now slowly changing her physical form to stone. Hoping to use the TARDIS occupants knowledge to release the creature and regain her humanity, she schemed to capture the Doctor as he approached her mansion with his new friends on a rescue mission. Unfortunately in the ensuing scuffle the Lamp of Chronos activated and sent Sarah Jane and the Professor back in time to a cavern in the fifth century B.C.

While the Doctor and Athena were stuck in Victorian London trying to figure out a way to get them back, Sarah Jane and the Prof explored the underground cave system they were stranded in - only to discover that they were being stalked by a snake-like monster. Pursuing them relentlessly through the tunnels, it finally turned it's gaze on to poor Sarah Jane and transformed her into an immobile statue.

Managing to re-activate the Lamp of Chronos using the power of the TARDIS, the Doctor and Athena stepped into the past  - swiftly followed by Lady Carstairs and her one-eyed Scryclops henchmen. Coming across the injured Professor who was slowly turning to stone himself, the Doctor realised that they were actually in a prison for an alien parasite known as the "Medusa", which fed on the life energies of its quantum locked victims over centuries. Saving Athena from the rampaging Scryclops, the Professor sacrificed himself and crumbled to dust, allowing Athena and the Doctor to confront the Medusa. However suddenly the pair were surrounded by a green glow which the Doctor identified as a transmat beam and they rematerialised in front of...something huge.

Cue the cliff-hanger scream...

So having caught up, what does issue five hold in store?

The Doctor and Athena arrive inside what appears to be a futuristic looking spaceship. Looking up  - and up, and UP - they can see the seated form of an enormous bearded humanoid - a staff across his lap and a circlet upon his brow. Athena thinks that it's the god Zeus, but the Doctor tells her it's really just a hologram. Suddenly a booming voice makes him realise that it's beginning to wake up.

Meanwhile, Lady Carstairs is finally granted an audience with the hideous creature she has served for so long. Revealing her partially turned to stone face and that she was the one who had sent fresh beings through the time portal for the Medusa to feed upon, she begs it for a cure. The monster just laughs mirthlessly and declares that their "pact" was all a ruse - a lure to get Lady Carstairs into the past so that it could complete the transformation and use the poor bereaved woman as a vessel to escape it's prison.

Back in the alien ship, the Doctor tinkers with the computers, and via a series of images the hologram avatar divulges the secrets of the prison vessel, the Medusa and it's original captors. Using it's mental abilities the alien criminal controlled the menial Scryclops creatures so that they rose up against their masters and caused the ship to crash on Earth - burying itself deep beneath the surface of Ancient Greece. It may have broken free of it's jailers but the Medusa is still trapped within the ships bio-metric limitation field - unless.....with sudden horror the Doctor realises it's nefarious plan - that bodily possession is it's way out.

Completing the transfer of it's consciousness, the Medusa transmogrifies the body of Lady Carstairs into a humanoid reptilian hybrid. It's free to escape the underground prison and travel to the Victorian future. Free to feed. Realising that it's primary purpose has been thwarted, the prison ship's hologram initiates a self destruct sequence. The Doctor convinces the hologram intelligence that only he can stop the Medusa, and the Time Lord and Athena are swiftly trans-matted back outside to the caves. Avoiding the falling rock as the cave system shudders under the energies building within the ship, they race back to the portal.  The Doctor knows that shutting it down is the only way to save the future.

Stumbling back through the time gate into the Professor's lab, the Doctor manages to destabilise the temporal field and temporarily trap the Medusa before she can follow after them. He tries one last time to reason with her but it's to no avail - she is consumed with a need to feed on the "lesser species" and nothing will get in her way. Before the unstable Lamp of Chronos expires, the prison ship in the past suddenly and violently explodes, bringing down the ceiling on the Medusa, its green blood oozing out across the cave floor. Throwing the Lamp through its own portal, the Doctor traps the fiend in the past. Forever.

Between panels, the Doctor apparently uses the TARDIS and some of the Professor's equipment to reverse the quantum process and restore Sarah Jane (and others) to full health. Reunited at last and strolling through sunny London they meet up with Athena and her Navy Doctor fiancé, Lieutenant Albert Sul.....oh I think you can all guess who he is by now. It seems there is a wedding to attend. Someone's great-grandparents are getting married....

So at the end of all that, what did I think? Well on the whole it was very enjoyable. I think I've said before that the Doctor's characterisation is pretty much spot on. Yes, if I'm being particularly fan-boyishly nit-picky there are a few plot holes -  like where exactly did the Lamp of Chronos come from in the first place? plus,which race of alien idiots captures a villainess who can control minds without putting appropriate safeguards in place? - but those are fairly minor in the scheme of the whole thing. The plot actually hangs together really well and I was genuinely surprised at the way Lady Carstairs was used in the end.

I'm less happy about the treatment of Sarah Jane Smith. She's totally side-lined as a statue for most of the storyline in favour the plucky yet uninteresting Athena. It's such a waste of a well-loved character. I'd much rather SJ had been in the thick of it working things out and helping the Doctor - especially as we all knew that she was in no real danger anyway and would be fine by the end of issue five. That's the perennial problem with doing any kind of story with past companions - you can't have any real surprises. Having said all that and been so critical, I guess maybe the writers were thinking "we've only got five issues and everyone knows what Sarah Jane is like anyway, so let's create a new female lead with whom we can have a dramatic and emotional character arc". That kind of works.

As a new monster for the Doctor to face, the Medusa is not going to go down in Who legend as particularly memorable or have fans crying out for a return appearance (although there is a slight hint that her story is not completely over). She was not particularly nuanced, being more evil for evil's sake - so very traditional for Classic Doctor Who then. If she was to come back it might be nice to find out exactly why she was imprisoned in the first place. Plus there is still the mystery of what happened to the race of god-like aliens that the ship hologram was so patiently waiting for.

Moving on to the art, I think I've just about got to the point of being able to look past Brian Williamson's photo referencing that I was so disparaging of in past reviews - although there's no disguising a re-use of that handshake pose - even if he does flip the image. It's only really jarring when you have two panels next to each other where one looks *exactly* like Tom and the other looks nothing like him. In other areas the humanoid form of the Medusa is what you would expect - all green skin and forked tongue. Brian's alien "god" designs are pretty good too, and there is a glimpse of some interesting looking tech. If I was being very kind I'd say that there is a bit of a Brent Anderson vibe going on with some of his art, which is no bad thing. Maybe Brian just needs to move away from illustrating characters that have to look like well known actors and develop his own style a bit more. As an aside, I'd also be interested to know why there was such a long delay between issues four and five and if that was art or script driven. I say this because the artwork starts out much stronger than it finishes.

All told I think the mini series was a conditional success - a three and a half out of five if you must. Knowing the rate Titan are pumping them out I'm sure that it's almost a given that we will get more Fourth Doctor adventures, so when we do, I think I'd like to see a more original villain, better use of the companion, less reliance on the well trodden Victorian trappings of the televised series and perhaps a different artist. Let's see what they can come up with.

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Twelfth Doctor  # 2.9

"Playing House" Part 1. Writer George Mann. Artist: Rachael Stott

Cast your mind back to last month's issue, and after solving world peace on The Twist with his rock concert, the Doctor has invited guitarist Hattie for one trip in the TARDIS. As I feared, the issue opens with the pair jamming in the console room. Thankfully it's cut short by the TARDIS alarm. Something is leaking dangerous amounts of temporal energy on 21st Century Earth and the TARDIS obviously wants the Doctor to investigate.

Outside the ship is a windswept moor and an eerie mansion looking like something straight out of a Hammer horror movie. Of course the Doctor wants to explore, while Hattie's *not* so keen. Using his trusty sonic screwdriver the Doctor gains entrance to the house and inside they discover a veritable treasure trove of antiquities. Suddenly the door slams shut and no amount of sonic-ing will budge it. They're trapped.

Deciding to take a further look around (as if they had any choice), the pair discover that the house is absolutely huge - with a seemingly endless series of varied rooms, courtyards and even an observatory. What's more the clock just struck fifteen and there is a curious tapping on the windows coming from an ethereal looking figure. It's enough to unnerve even a Time Lord.

The clock strikes fourteen and suddenly Hattie spots a pink-clad little girl. She chases after her until the child vanishes through another locked portico. Hearing a voice calling out, they step through one more door and suddenly find themselves in a green woodland confronted by a woman who thinks this is *her* house and who has lost her family in the labyrinth. Retiring to a vast library, the woman - known as Holly - reveals that things started to go crazy after a visit to an antiques fair. Her children started seeing strange things, the house expanded and eventually both the kids and her husband vanished into its depths and cannot be found anywhere except as ghostly images.

The Doctor is distracted from the story by the chiming of the clock. It's now striking thirteen and is obviously counting down to something. What's more the tapping is back and so are the flying things outside. The Doctor identifies the vapourous beings at the windows as "Spyrilites" -  scavenger creatures from the temporal void that feed on Artron energy. If they are here then something is *very* wrong and everyone is in danger.

So what does the Doctor do? He lets them in of course ! But instead of feeding on the time travellers, the host of Spyrilites swoop off through the mansion in search of a greater energy prize - with the Doctor and his companions in hot pursuit. Tracking the entities through ever more elaborate and unusual spaces they finally the ghostly forms feeding at the heart of the house - and the Doctor realises where he really is...

Okay, I'll come back to the story in a moment because I really want to give praise to Rachael Stott's artwork this time round. The plot requires her to draw a myriad of different environments across it's 20 pages and she is more than up to the task. I particularly like the use of large circular panels to depict the various surroundings the Doctor and Hattie find themselves in. There is one double page spread of this with a backdrop of a map of the house that has a lot of lovely little Easter eggs. Apparently the mansion has a comics library, a room of puppies and even a treat for Harry Potter fans. Plus what exactly is a "Psicord room" ?

But it's not just detail packed backgrounds or innovative panel layouts that impress. I've praised Rachael's figure work before, but her depiction of the Doctor just gets better and better. There are no static talking heads here - each image has the Doctor being expressive in one way or another. There is a real sense of dynamic movement  - whether it's him leaping across a room to examine something or the slop of tea in a cup as he gesticulates wildly. Elsewhere, the design of the Spyrilites is appropriate, give they are really just pale ghosts, but there is a subtle hint of the nasty in their skull-like faces and the tendrils of void-stuff that swirl around them.

I'm sincerely hoping that the script continues to give Rachael plenty of opportunities to show her artistic talent - and speaking of that script, how does it fair against George Mann's other efforts?

Well, the notion of an infinite house is not really a new one - having been used to great effect by authors such as Tad Williams in his "Otherland" series or Guy Adams's "The World House" - but it's still a fun one. To be honest it won't take you as long as the Doctor to work out what is going on here - I think I'd made the leap by about page nine. That's not to say it's not an enjoyable journey. There *are* a couple of bits of clunky expositional dialogue - especially one sentence which is so clearly a set up for later in the story that George may as well have put up a big flashing neon sign with a klaxon saying "important plot point here".

You can't deny that he knows how to write for the character of the Twelfth Doctor though. My favourite section was the conversation with distraught mum Holly and immediately afterwards. where the Doctor comes across perfectly as inquisitive, arrogant, forceful, totally unpredictable - yet undoubtedly kind.

It's obvious that George is a man who loves Doctor Who and loves playing around with and adding to the lore of the show - witness his War Doctor novel and various comics mini series. The Spyralites are an admirable idea - even if we already have Chonovores, Vortisaurs and Reapers coming from the vortex. The conclusion of this episode also may open things up for him to do something new with other well known motifs. My problem is, George has let me down badly before (just last issue in fact) so I'm not especially hopeful of an innovative conclusion. Maybe the concepts he's playing with will spur him on to up his game.

Just a quick note on the variant covers and the only one of note this month is from Stephen Byrne - an Irish artist best known for work on the "Plants vs. Zombies" franchise -  and there is a definite feel of that game in his cover. However he has just been announced as the artist on DC's 'Rebirth' of "The Ray", so he's obviously a talent to watch.

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Right. That's definitely enough from me. More next month - same bat-time. Same bat-channel.

Come on - we all know there really is only one Batman. And his name is West...