Timelord Thoughts 5 - The Girl Who Died

It's that time in the series when the word "romp" will get bandied about. Probably the word "marmite" too as this episode is undoubtedly going to split opinions across the love it / hate it divide. I disliked 95% of it on first viewing and consequently I'm starting to think I was too hard on "Before The Flood". Let's see if a night's sleep and a rewatch has mellowed my opinion. Plus who exactly is:

The Girl Who Died

• A nice tight opening shot of Clara's eyes and some heavy breathing as she floats in space. So far, so "Gravity".

• Four and a half battle fleets? What happened to the other half?
• Spider mines sound like my worst kind of nightmare. Yet someone named one of the denizens (which sucks your brains out through your mouth) a "Love Sprite"? That takes a certain warped sense of humour. Probably the Doctor then.
• I know that horrific feeling when it feels like a hairy something is crawling over your body only for it to turn out that there actually *is* a hairy something crawling over your body. Mostly it's just been cats drooling on my face to wake me up, but once I dreamt there was a spider on my arm and woke up to find out it was real...
• It's a shame all the dialogue about nebulas and stuff gets lost under the explosions and rising loud music. You need the subtitles to really get it. Trust me, this is a topic I'll be coming back to a lot this episode.
• I did like the camera trick of zooming in on Clara's eyes in space and it turns into her being on the TARDIS as the Doctor takes off her helmet. Very well done.
• I could do without the comedy hopping and face pulling as the Doctor crushes the Love Sprite though. In the "800 Day Project" (yes updates on that *are* coming I promise) I'm currently up to "Time And The Rani". I hope that larking about and wildly inappropriate music are the only things that the two stories have in common...
• It seems to be becoming a tradition or old charter or something (or even a running gag) to have the TARDIS crew start the episode at the tail end of a previous adventure. Long gone are the days when the episodes flowed like a continuing narrative from week to week. It's nice that there are sufficient gaps for all the novels and comic strips and BBC audio stories to fit in (even if they are not 'canon' as some say - *cough* "head canon" *cough*). There is even room for the Big Finish audio adventures which are inevitably going to come in, say 2020. The Velosians  are a race that someone will pick up on before then.
• There's the Cloister Bell yet again. Hasn't it rung in every episode so far - and always when Clara is in danger? My theory about where this series is going just took another step forward.
• The TARDIS scenes this series really have been excellently shot. I'm also always been a fan of being able to see the console room from outside looking in. The perspective doesn't quite marry up with the actual set but it's totally forgivable.
• "I'm not actually the police, that's just what it says on the box". I liked that.
• That conversation about what the Doctor can or cannot do and the rules of time travel and ripples and tidal waves is very important - and not just for this episode. Breaking the rules is okay as long as you don't do something big is something the Doctor keeps coming back to, almost as if he is trying to convince himself.
• Vikings helmets didn't have horns. I don't think their swords were rounded at the ends either.
• I stood up and cheered when the sonic sunglasses were snapped in two. Best. Moment. Ever.
• The village location looks quite impressive in the opening high panning shot, with a nice ship moored in the top left corner. 
• The music started out quite subtly too, until Murray pressed the "Medieval orchestral" button on his Bon-Tempi organ as the Doctor and Clara stroll into the village.
• What's with all the gurning and hand rubbing from Capaldi though? It looks like he is trying to wipe off something particularly unpleasant.

 

• Damn - they brought half the sunglasses with them. That means they're going to be in the plot doesn't it?
• Maisey Williams's character is important. Let's make that blatantly obvious.
• A nod to the fact that the Doctor usually does replace the incumbent in charge wherever he goes.
• "Advanced technology can seem like magic". Mis-quoting the great Arthur C. Clarke there.
• Oh god. Capaldi goes full "pantomime on Brighton pier". It's cringe worthy, as are the varying accents. He just can't do this kind of broad comedy.
• Conveniently up pops another "Odin" in the sky - channelling the Teletubbies or Monty Python or one of those really bad 90s Marvel TV movies - and wearing what looks like a masquerade ball mask and two hats. He's brought his own heavenly choir with him too it seems.

 

•  Even the Doctor's inane pratting about can't distract the villagers. Has the yo-yo become the equivalent of the McCoy spoons?
• The "robot warriors" that beam down are a pretty good design Chunky and battle scarred. 
• Sorry? I couldn't hear all that exposition about harvesting and the strongest warriors or exactly what Clara was trying to get Ashildr to do with the sonic monocle the first time round because the damn music was SO LOUD AND INAPPROPRIATE AGAIN !!!
• Still at least Capaldi is able to gurn his shock some more.
• The viking villagers react to a glowing man appearing in the sky and a set of robot monsters spiriting away their bravest warriors as if they've seen it all before.
• Up in "Valhalla" the effect of the warrior being frazzled to nothingness by the lightning fans of doom is nicely done. Tediously we then go into a rehash of the trash compactor scene from "Star Wars". 
• We know it's threatening not because the walls are moving or the people are screaming or the sound effect of metal scraping on metal - no it's because Murray Gold has tuned it up to eleventy one again.
• "I'm not good with heights". Groan. "Gods never actually show up". You know, I quite like that.
• The sonic sunglasses save things again, but for once I can accept it. It make sense that a advanced alien warlord would not destroy those who possess technology that should not be in that time or place. No sorrow for those dozen or so vikings who weren't so lucky.
• Never has it been more clear this series that Clara now thinks of herself as the Doctor's equal. Her speech to "Odin" is *exactly* the kind of thing the Doctor would say. Pride comes before a fall though...
• I like the conceit that "Odin" drinks testosterone to keep him going. I just wish he hadn't delivered those lines with more ham than a whole pig.
• "What is a god but the cattle's name for farmer? What is heaven but the gilded door of the abattoir?" Sounds portentous. Signifies absolutely nothing. It's meaningless twaddle.
• Oh Clara really loves the sound of her own voice too much now, telling Ashildr to "hush". Arrogant, much?
• It backfired though. Ashildr is far more worth cheering than Clara's attempts to tell "Odin" to "spack off" and go bother someone else.

• Again we have the theme of something hiding behind an illusory mask. Not so much 'eyes and teeth' as all teeth - and pretty horrible by the glimpse we got.
• Makes sense that the Doctor would have a 2000 year diary now.
• The thumbs up and the hug just about work.
• More telling us that Ashildr is *important* - and she's not even died yet. Interesting that she is another character that makes prophecies.
• Another Monty Python reference, when the Doctor basically tells the villagers to "Run away!" ?
• The part where the Doctor translates the baby crying into "I am afraid...and I will sing" is silly but also quite lovely.
• I know the Twelfth Doctor is full of put downs and nasty remarks about other races, but did he have to be so disparaging to the vikings honour? As for "Yeah baby", what is this, Austin Powers?
• No I'm sorry, the Doctor's reasoning for not helping the village make no sense in the context of everything else he has ever done. Aliens have tried to invade and been defeated dozens of times before. The Tenth Doctor even said that Earth had been noticed now. The world didn't end. I'm all for not having to slavishly adhere to every last shred of continuity but let's have some character consistency please. It's creating false jeopardy again just so the plot can have a right turn in a few minutes when the Doctor suddenly has an epiphany and decides to help after all. 
• See? All it took was a baby crying and a translation of "Fire in the water". Oh and don't forget Clara telling him what to think.
• I did like the Doctor's alternative names for the fighters. Especially Noggin the Nog and ZZ Top.
• So they were practicing with real swords and hurt themselves, so the Doctor gave them fake ones. I get that. But the way the scene plays out it seems he instantly decides to give them the real ones back again without any further training. Odd.
• It's the comedy episode. I'm going to have to live with that. So I'm not going to complain about the next scene with the roof burning and vikings fainting and all that tomfoolery. I could, but it would be as pointless as this scene.
• The viking hall set is pretty impressive. It's not quite Edoras the hall of the Rohirrm from Lord of the Rings but it does the job nicely, with some quality wood carvings.
• I also like the pan along the banqueting table with all the men looking suitably pensive before the battle to come. It's the first time they have felt like real people, so it's a shame it's over in seconds.
• I think the Doctor is starting to realise just how much Clara has been changed by her travels in the TARDIS - and not necessarily for the better. 
• "A good death is the best anyone can hope for unless you happen to be immortal". That's a very telling line for the Doctor, this episode and the current series as a whole...
• That's the second time that Clara has joked about an attraction towards girls. Now I have absolutely no problem with it whatsoever, apart from the fact that it's come a bit out of left field for the character.
• Clara confirms that she has focussed her control freak nature on the Doctor.
• So that's the fifth episode in a row that the Doctor has expressed more than average concerns for Clara getting killed. Why has her safety become of such importance (this "duty of care")? I have a theory...
• I do like that fact that Clara calls the Doctor out on always coming up with a solution at the last minute.
• Ashildr seems to be caught between being a child and being a woman. One moment she is a viking warrior with all the bravado, and the next she is making puppets and being scared. It could be a sign of her growing up or her special nature - or it could just be bad characterisation.
• There you go. Now she is a wise head on a young body being unnaturally rational about the impending death of her people. What's interesting is that she almost seems to treat them as *her* people, as if she *needs* to be there and is watching over them. There is more going on than just her being "strange".
• And a touching moment between father and daughter is totally undercut by the Doctor. I am not sure I like this aspect of his persona.
• I'm not totally sure but I can't help feel that Matt Smith would have been so much better at the running around madly and crying "I've found it! I've found it!". Capaldi just looks...awkward.
• "He's been at it hammer and tongs". A moderately acceptable joke.
• Electric eels? Not in Viking Europe there 'ain't. Not unless this is a long lost tribe somehow transported to an incredibly temperate South America.
• Time for the subtitles again as I didn't catch a word of what the Doctor said there because Murray's brass section was in full flow.Something about spacesuits and being happy. Probably unimportant.
• I think the Doctor is going to defeat the Mire by talking them to death. Actually that's unfair as he is only trying to instill some confidence in the villagers and it appears to be a fairly well thought out plan. Strangely I don't recall this scene at all from my first watch.
• I can honestly say I really disliked the whole scene with the dancing and the "party". Yes I get that it's all meant as a distraction while they set up the trap for the Mire, but did it have to be so badly acted by all concerned?
• Okay, it's Doctor Who, I suppose I can suspend my disbelief and accept that some on-the-wrong-continent fish, a bit of what looks like copper wire and some anvils can generate a huge electrical shock and some damn strong magnetism, Exciting isn't it? We know this because Mr. Gold has thrown all his instruments into a blender, found the "Celtic jingles" button and created a sound that Keff McCulloch would be proud of.
• Whoa! Okay! I wasn't expecting that. The real faces of the Mire are seriously horrible, like something Clive Barker would come up with after a large amount of cheese last thing at night. Far more interesting and threatening than the robot heads. I think they're compensating for something though as their heads are far too tiny for those large bodies.

• "Reversing the polarity of the neutron flow. I bet that means something, it sounds great". Best line of the episode - which has been seriously lacking in decent zingers.
• I'm not entirely sure I get how holding a Mire head over her own allows Ashildr to create illusions. Only "Odin"'s face was a hologram and he wasn't wearing a suit of armour, unless the same technology is in his lovely hat with wings.
• Still it's a reasonable enough dragon and it's not meant to be 'realistic' as it's a creature from a story.
• The Mire do retreat a bit quickly. They might not have their weapons but they do have some hulking great suits of armour. All bullies are cowards in the end.

• Oh good. Fart noises.
• So that's it? The Doctor defeats a band of space marauders by recording their most embarrassing moment and threatening to upload it to the galactic version of You Tube?! Seriously? I bet he'll keep the £250 if it's shown on "You've Been Framed" too. Oh. Wait. I've missed the point. It's supposed to be funny isn't it? Original maybe, but hilarious? Why am I not laughing?...
• Er, when exactly did the Doctor have time to hack the teleporter?
• The Mire spaceship was nice. That's something.
• Goodbye Ashildr. You were so brave but the Doctor got it wrong this time.
• The Doctor says he is "so sick of losing people". I can understand that he feels guilty about Ashildr after promising her things would be okay. But his reaction is about more than that. Are the pieces starting to fit together for you yet?
• "I can do anything". More shades of the Timelord Victorious coming out. Something has been building within the Doctor for a while and this has finally pushed the him over the edge.
• At last we have an explanation for why this incarnation of the Doctor looks like Caecilius from "Fires Of Pompeii". A lovely clip of the great Catherine Tate and Mr. Tennant from that episode (can it really be over seven years ago?).

• So it's a reminder that he is the Doctor and he saves people? Seems a bit  obvious really - isn't that what he always does? I was expecting something a bit more...clever? Still it's Capaldi's best scene in the entire episode (it needed to be). You can feel his rage.
• "To hell with you! Well one of the final episodes is called "Hell Bent" so I think the Doctor may come to regret his actions here.
• Hmmm. Using the Mire battlefield medical kit shaped like a throat lozenge is a bit convenient and low key. It does the job though even if half a paid of sonic sodding sunglasses can now reprogram incredibly powerful alien technology in an instant. They may as well just give the Doctor superpowers and be done with it.
• Again the best scenes are between father and daughter. For once this episode Murray just lets the actors do their job. Now the Mire have gone, with all their stomping and bluster, the episode has picked up significantly. 
• Now the Doctor has created an immortal - possibly two if Ashildr uses that other lozenge on the love of her life as he seems to suggest. That can't be good. He called Captain Jack Harkness an aberration in time (or words to that effect). This is going to cause far more than a few ripples. There is a tsunami coming I reckon, and not just next week.
• Right there, in the woods outside the TARDIS doors is the most important scene in the whole episode and possibly the series so far. "Immortality is everybody else dying". That's what it feels like to be a Timelord wandering in eternity and maybe the real reason the Doctor never stands still for too long. "She might meet someone she can't bear to lose. That happens...I believe". For the Doctor it has already happened. What might a man with face that reminds him he can save people and who can "do anything", risk at that point? If you can go anywhere in time and space...?
• A line from the Seventh Doctor's era as this incarnation realises he has done something very, very wrong and may have just created an alien hybrid. Davros said that the one in the prophecy was an amalgam of Timelord and Dalek, so this can't be the same thing. Can it? Oh Moffat are you orchestrating the biggest ever shakeup to Doctor Who history? Time will tell...
• The final scene where Ashildr experiences an endless succession of sunrises and sunsets across the centuries is just beautiful - and terribly sad. Her expression goes from one of a young girl full of life and happiness to one of despair and loss. "Immortality is everybody else dying". Living forever may be more of a curse than a blessing, although if you can't die, nothing will hold any fear for you . At the very end she looks almost...dangerous.

Conclusion:

While I think this week's episode will probably tick the boxes for many people, for me it was just a mess. More of a pantomime equivalent of Doctor Who rather than the kind of episode I enjoy watching. It bounced along in it's own sweet way, blasting out the eardrums with terrible music, forced and unnatural dialogue and laboured attempts at humour. Not at all what I expected from the writer of last years excellent "Mummy On The Orient Express". There were the odd moments certainly but they couldn't wash away the bad taste... until those final five-ten minutes. Then it metamorphoses into a totally different episode with the Doctor emotionally making what appears to be a big mistake that will have ramifications for the rest of the series. If they capitalise on that in the right way then this "two parter" could finish strongly.

Sadly the next time trailer look like more of the same kind of hi-jinks we had this week, made even worse by the sonic sunglasses looking as they are back in action. However I have just had a thought about those too which feeds into my series nine theory....

...and I'm going to try and gather my disparate thoughts and post exactly what I think is going on later this week before the next episode airs.